Anyone who knows me knows that I am not good at asking for help. I am what they call ‘hyper-independent’ and don’t like to rely on anyone but myself. But I am also sometimes too prideful and let that get in the way of asking for help when I am in over my head and simply cannot do everything alone.
We did a fundraiser back when Doug first got sick, and so many friends and family were amazing and generous, and helped us make adaptations to our home and life to accommodate Doug’s new needs, and for that – thank you so much. And for those of you who have already reached out to help us at the end of this journey with meals and your presence at his visitation and funeral, please know it helps very much, and we appreciate it.
As crazy as it sounds after 12 years of dealing with Doug’s cancer, the end came very quickly, and I was not prepared. I was under a misconception that I would be able to keep his Social Security as a widow’s pension because I was declared disabled back in 2001 with a back injury I sustained in 1996. What I found out this week is that by going back to work and ending disability payments, I am not considered disabled anymore by the government, so I will not be eligible for his Social Security payments until I am 60 – which is more than three years away.
This means Doug’s income is instantly gone, and his contributions paid the mortgage, utilities, car insurance, and more. We could not afford the $600/month premium to keep his employer-provided life insurance policy when he retired in 2020, so all I had was a small burial policy through my work, which will not quite cover his funeral costs. I am also now beginning to see the expenses that were incurred on his final day, including the ambulance ride, Intensive ER care, and ICU stay, which are not entirely covered by insurance.
I have made some changes already, trading both of our cars in for an older used vehicle, which cut my car payments in half and will lower my insurance, but if I am to keep the house, I will need to eliminate as much of the remaining debt as I can by the first of the year. It is a bad time of year for a yard sale, and frankly, we didn’t buy much fancy stuff to begin with.
The years of cancer treatment stole our retirement accounts, any hope of significant savings, and kept me in a low-level career that gave me flexibility to care for him that a higher-demand job would have prohibited. We were only able to buy this home because of a bequest from his parents.
If selling the house and downsizing would work, I would do that, but I have found nothing I could buy or rent that would result in a lower cost of living given the last several years of skyrocketing housing costs.
I promise that I am looking for additional sources of income and the kids have jumped in to offer their help. And please know that I do not EXPECT anyone else to save me, but if you can see your way clear to help our family one more time, I can tell you it would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Colby Barak
