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Grief And Mental Breakdown

Grief And Mental Breakdown

Fundraising for

Syreeta Nolan

Fundraising forSyreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

Syreeta Nolan

San Diego, CA

$21,871of $25,000 goal
185
Donors
88
Comments
60Share Arrow
Shares
Donation protected
👍 0% fee

Hi everyone!

 

Last year, this is where this cancer journey started with Mom:

 

I need your help. I was raised in a single parent family and since finishing my undergraduate courses, my mom and I are back living together for the first time in years to help each other through this transitional point in each of our lives. Mom was diagnosed with a form of cancer. After her surgery last month, we found out that she needs to have a second surgery that will involve a longer period of time off. We lost my sister last year in July, so my mom is my closest living family member. I want to see her get to a place where her cancer is in remission, but that means getting her scheduled for the surgery. She is nervous about taking time off since she is the only one working, this is my way to help her get the care she needs.

 

This year has been filled with many of the highest highs as a disability advocate in the midst of recovering from intense medical and emotional trauma. I wish that my Fibromyalgia wasn’t a mind reader, but it is. When I deal with stress and trauma, Fibromyalgia creates pain levels that are much higher than my normal pain levels around 4-5 out of 10 on the pain level. My ADHD reached diagnostic levels for the first time in February, likely because of everything I am dealing with lately. I need to get back to a stable level of paying attention to work on my thesis due in December. 

Let’s fast forward to January 2023

It was never a happy new year. Coming back to update here has been one of the hardest things in my life. Mom didn’t get any more chemotherapy in the new year, she entered hospice. She couldn’t stand or get her herself up from a chair after I got back from DC in December. It took a very long time for her oncology to realize that it was not just a de conditioning issue where physical therapy could do something. I had to lift her from weight from any sitting position and hold her up until she was stable enough to use the walker to get to the bathroom. She stopped eating and after the discharge in December inserting her feeding tube, we were given no supplies to use at home when she was unable to eat. Things just spiraled down hill. January’s before hospice was decided on, her cancer caused a large blood clot in her liver that was inoperable. She was suffering. She went in between moments of clarity and long silences. She entered a nursing home for hospice and she couldn’t utter a word to me for the last two weeks of her life. She was my best friend. My hero. She passed away on February 1st.

Mom’s celebration of life is coming up in a few days. If you can attend virtually or in person, I would love to have you there. I will be emailing past donors the Zoom link for March 23rd at 10am PST. Anyone else who wishes to come virtually can reach out to me for the link. 

 

I updated the campaign goal to $15,000 because it was mom’s social security that paid for our apartment rent. Just before she passed, I received notice that the rent would go up from $1,399 to $1,545 as well that the rent that included utilities is now excluding them. The water, trash, and electric will be charged on the basis of a Ratio Utility Billing System (RUBS). It started on March 1st and I get my first RUBS bill from the landlord April 1st. Honestly, I am terrified. I just started contracting with the federal government as well starting another contracting position with the University of Montana soon. I did a keynote presentation and the organization is unsure of if they can get my honoraria to me by April 1st when my rent is due. So much is up in the air and I need your help to get through this. 

I hope that you will find it in your heart to support my little family. If you don’t have the means to financially support this campaign, please share this campaign with others. 

Fast forward again to September 2023:

 

I almost killed myself

Losing mom has shaken the foundation of my will to live in ways that are deeper than they have ever been in the past

 When I was in psych units before, she was always visiting and advocating with me

As Britney Spears said “my loneliness was killing me.”

I haven’t been able to completely take care of myself

 It has been a living nightmare that made a dying dream seem simpler with all my close family that had passed away.

I am planning a boat charter on February 24, 2024 for 11 close friends/family (I have to count myself for the 12 total.) I need help paying for flowers, the $500 charter fee and catered BBQ. June and July 2024, I want to go to Epcot with my son to celebrate his 18th birthday/ high school graduation and it would be great to have your help. 

Please help me to pay for these events to live for and my Neptune Society final arrangements advance ($2K), so it is in place when I naturally pass away at some point. I don’t want to be a final burden in my passing one day. 

I love you all and it is so good to be home from the psych unit. 

I appreciate each of you so much!

 

Let’s fast forward again to March 2024:

It was not a happy new year

I have been surviving on crowdfunding

My health is in the worst place it has been in my life

I had my hearing in August 2023 for social security disability income and I am not in a place to work

I have been attending school since January 2024 for Medical Billing and Coding

I have been trying my best to get ready for my Master’s in Health Policy

Everything feels hallow without mom

The stress has been intense

The pain of staying the same has been intense

I can’t afford to move

I can’t afford to stay

No boat

No Epcot

I just continue to need your support to survive

Maybe one day I could thrive, but that feels awhile off


Fast Forward Again March 2025

I miss Mom more than any words can say

 I miss my apartment more than any words can say

 This apartment used to be exactly the way it was when mom was alive

 The apartment used to be exactly the way I needed to process my grief

 This homeless stranger took away my safe space by transforming it too much

 Throwing out too much

Disrespecting too much

 I find myself being punished everyday for the mistake of wanting to help a disabled woman

 I wake up angry every morning now

 It doesn’t help that I now have to drive an extra 30 miles to my mental health providers

 I am simply having a sustained mental breakdown

 I gave up on Social Security Disability Insurance

 I was denied

 I delayed restarting 

Starting in this administration

 I think I am going to wave the white flag

 I am in grad school

 I applied for an internship

 10 hours a week 

$30,000 stipend paid out monthly

I applied for a part time job with the Gaylord

We have a new Gaylord going up in Chula Vista near me

 I am going to a hiring event on Saturday

I just need to focus on what is good

What is hopeful

 What I can do to stand up for myself against the homeless person in my home

 She has been there over 30 days so she has rights and needs to be formally evicted

I feel like I made a strong case for evict

I just need to make sure that I did this right with an eviction clinic visit

 I really appreciate the law library for helping me find the right forms

 Please think good thoughts for me

 Donate

 Share

 Please

Fundraiser Updates (5)

June 20, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

I thought I was going to close my grad student crisis

 

Nope, I am still a graduate student in crisis

 

Biostatistics is going well

 

I have a B so far

 

I have a new program to hate called Stata and I found out that ChatGPT can help me hate this program less within academic integrity

 

 I still haven’t gotten my funds

 

 I am stressing out

 

 My car registration is due

 

 My car Insurance is due

 

 I need smog for my car registration

 

 I need gas in Southern California.



Nope, still a crisis 

 

The ~$3,400 is from the other campaign that I thought I was choosing but it is not…

June 19, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

This is an update that I have been torn to make

I honestly thought of just walking away from this campaign

Mom has passed

Maybe the time for me to use this campaign's name and image of mom away

But how do you put away grief that continues to rack my life

Grief that is never going to bring mom back

Grief that makes me struggle to move forward

Grief that makes suicide seem like a better decision

Grief that makes my goals had to reach

Grief that makes me remember that I must be alive to achieve my dreams

Grief that makes me realize that mom wouldn't want to see me in heaven so soon

Grief that makes me more depressed

Grief that makes me feel oppressed by life

Grief that makes life a struggle

Grief that makes doing nothing so much easier than doing all the something I have to do to manage my mental health

Grief that makes doing nothing so much easier than doing all the something I have to do to manage my physical health

Grief that makes mental and physical health be all that matters in my life

Grief that I haven't been approved for SSDI or SSI to not have to fight against fight to survive

Grief that my dad, a Veteran, has disowned his disabled daughter making me have no rights to his benefits. I get that he doesn't want a disabled daughter, but he has one and won't see me as his

Grief that my dad is not supportive in the time when I need  him most in the passing of my mom. We both loved her, we both could have grieved her and I could have learned how dad grieved her while she was alive. 

Grief that I am free but not truly free

Grief that I still feel enslaved in the midst of Juneteenth which feels like a misnomer of its own

I am in crisis 

My car insurance is due 6/23

My car registration is due tomorrow 

My registration requires smog

My car needs gas

I need my car to work desperately to remain independent to drive to and from my appointments on my own

I have been raped in medical transportation from LA to UC Irvine

I cannot trust medical transportation as a rape survivor

I am a survivor not a victim now

My car is always going to need gas

My car is always going to need oil changes

My car is always going to need that 200K mileage check that was 20K miles in the past 

I cannot afford those special things

My car has electrical problems that I cannot have diagnosed because I can't be without my car for too long and can't afford a rental 

All of this to say 

I want this campaign to reach its goal

Not because I want to for selfish reasons 

I want this campaign to reach its goal

Because that is what mom would have wanted 

My updates will be gratitude and what I need next to let you know that the funds are going to my needs 

I am just so thankful for each of you

This Juneteenth 

Please consider donating for the first time or donating again

Please consider sharing for the first time with your network or sharing again

Please consider doing both

I need you to be there for me 

Remind me of the community that I have 

Remind me of your good wishes

Remind of your why to donate

I want us to remember mom

Together

And what she would have wanted

I also have a Patreon and if you wanted to subscribe there for a monthly donation

Search for Syreeta Nolan Patreon

I appreciate each of you

April 04, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

I now know that I didn’t understand completely what it meant to be a student in a Master’s program financially. I think part of the reason I applied was because of mom and her wish for my education not to stop because of her. I felt like the acceptances from two universities was God shining down that she was there with me. My mom, Christine Evelyn Dorothy Nolan, died February 1, 2023.

 

I enter graduate school at Brown University. I have no experience with graduate student funding and how it works. The Fall term was great with working and attending graduate school. The Spring term because of the long break that led up to the new year has been a dumpster fire, including losing my job, that was not connected to graduate school. You know it felt like Brown was one protected space from the impact of disasters. My professors have been amazing. 

However, I have been struggling with financial aid with having to use a Google form to request my financial aid to disperse funds and not knowing when to expect funds. When I was informally crowdfunding for rent and gas, a friend gave me the idea to ask about emergency funding and basic need resources. I decided to find out about this while addressing my struggles. I scheduled a call with financial aid to be better prepared for the Summer and to see if I could get some type of funding in the meantime.

 

I simply thought the call would give me resources and what date in May to expect financial aid since Fall and Spring financial aid dispersed the beginning of the term, I expected the same. What happened:

 

I found out that I could reach out to Graduate Student Financial Aid to file for a Cost of Attendance Appeal. They also told me about the emergency gap fund for Master’s and Professional Students.

 

I found out that my financial aid funds will not disperse until after the 1st of July. I forgot to ask about the Google form because I was too shaken to actually form any words after that. This puts me into a situation where I need the months of my living expenses covered as after July 1st means that I likely won’t have funding in time to cover July’s expenses. I also need funding for 2023 tax preparation urgently because my summer financial aid is based on it. 

 

I am extending my job search from paid internships to anything hiring urgently for part time employees. I am also opened a new SpotFund account to crowdfund that doesn’t just update the crowdfund that I had with my mom. It is time for me to move on from the #PancreaticCancer crisis crowdfunding to the graduate school crisis crowdfunding. 🫤 Therefore, this will be last update here

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you have nothing to give, you have already given emotional support. I know that times are hard for all of us in different ways and in different areas of our lives. Please do you what you feel led to do to support my future and the future of those that I will help in the course of my health policy career.

 

http://spot.fund/6wzjkszcs

March 24, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

I am tired

I am ever so tired

Like my soul is tired

Tired of asking for help

505/850

Do I deserve to have my goal met?

I am lost

Will I ever be found in a world where mom is gone?

I get to be my full self…

But does that make life worth living?

 

V: Syreeta-Nolan

PP: nolansyreeta

March 19, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

Not living at my apartment (it isn’t my home until the toxic homeless woman is out of it) and staying with my friend is taking 90 extra miles a week to get to my mental and physical health appointments.


I desperately need help because of my mistake in helping a homeless mother and her cold that reminded me of the dynamic that I had between my mom.

 

I need to raise my goal to $850 by the 25th. All I want for my birthday on the 26th is peace of mind and it feels like I am asking for too much.

Syreeta Nolan
Ola Ojewumi
Genna Cohen
Wendy Depinto
Lisette Torres-Gerald
and others donated recently
Anonymous

Anonymous

$15 • Recent donation

Graduate Student Crisis

Graduate Student Crisis

$3,412 • Top donation (Offline)

Vivian Taylor

Vivian Taylor

$50 • First donation

Organizer

Syreeta Nolan

Syreeta Nolan is the organizer of this fundraiser

Grief And Mental Breakdown
Syreeta Nolan

Syreeta Nolan

San Diego, CA

Fundraising for

Syreeta Nolan

Fundraising forSyreeta Nolan
Donation protected
👍 0% fee

Hi everyone!

 

Last year, this is where this cancer journey started with Mom:

 

I need your help. I was raised in a single parent family and since finishing my undergraduate courses, my mom and I are back living together for the first time in years to help each other through this transitional point in each of our lives. Mom was diagnosed with a form of cancer. After her surgery last month, we found out that she needs to have a second surgery that will involve a longer period of time off. We lost my sister last year in July, so my mom is my closest living family member. I want to see her get to a place where her cancer is in remission, but that means getting her scheduled for the surgery. She is nervous about taking time off since she is the only one working, this is my way to help her get the care she needs.

 

This year has been filled with many of the highest highs as a disability advocate in the midst of recovering from intense medical and emotional trauma. I wish that my Fibromyalgia wasn’t a mind reader, but it is. When I deal with stress and trauma, Fibromyalgia creates pain levels that are much higher than my normal pain levels around 4-5 out of 10 on the pain level. My ADHD reached diagnostic levels for the first time in February, likely because of everything I am dealing with lately. I need to get back to a stable level of paying attention to work on my thesis due in December. 

Let’s fast forward to January 2023

It was never a happy new year. Coming back to update here has been one of the hardest things in my life. Mom didn’t get any more chemotherapy in the new year, she entered hospice. She couldn’t stand or get her herself up from a chair after I got back from DC in December. It took a very long time for her oncology to realize that it was not just a de conditioning issue where physical therapy could do something. I had to lift her from weight from any sitting position and hold her up until she was stable enough to use the walker to get to the bathroom. She stopped eating and after the discharge in December inserting her feeding tube, we were given no supplies to use at home when she was unable to eat. Things just spiraled down hill. January’s before hospice was decided on, her cancer caused a large blood clot in her liver that was inoperable. She was suffering. She went in between moments of clarity and long silences. She entered a nursing home for hospice and she couldn’t utter a word to me for the last two weeks of her life. She was my best friend. My hero. She passed away on February 1st.

Mom’s celebration of life is coming up in a few days. If you can attend virtually or in person, I would love to have you there. I will be emailing past donors the Zoom link for March 23rd at 10am PST. Anyone else who wishes to come virtually can reach out to me for the link. 

 

I updated the campaign goal to $15,000 because it was mom’s social security that paid for our apartment rent. Just before she passed, I received notice that the rent would go up from $1,399 to $1,545 as well that the rent that included utilities is now excluding them. The water, trash, and electric will be charged on the basis of a Ratio Utility Billing System (RUBS). It started on March 1st and I get my first RUBS bill from the landlord April 1st. Honestly, I am terrified. I just started contracting with the federal government as well starting another contracting position with the University of Montana soon. I did a keynote presentation and the organization is unsure of if they can get my honoraria to me by April 1st when my rent is due. So much is up in the air and I need your help to get through this. 

I hope that you will find it in your heart to support my little family. If you don’t have the means to financially support this campaign, please share this campaign with others. 

Fast forward again to September 2023:

 

I almost killed myself

Losing mom has shaken the foundation of my will to live in ways that are deeper than they have ever been in the past

 When I was in psych units before, she was always visiting and advocating with me

As Britney Spears said “my loneliness was killing me.”

I haven’t been able to completely take care of myself

 It has been a living nightmare that made a dying dream seem simpler with all my close family that had passed away.

I am planning a boat charter on February 24, 2024 for 11 close friends/family (I have to count myself for the 12 total.) I need help paying for flowers, the $500 charter fee and catered BBQ. June and July 2024, I want to go to Epcot with my son to celebrate his 18th birthday/ high school graduation and it would be great to have your help. 

Please help me to pay for these events to live for and my Neptune Society final arrangements advance ($2K), so it is in place when I naturally pass away at some point. I don’t want to be a final burden in my passing one day. 

I love you all and it is so good to be home from the psych unit. 

I appreciate each of you so much!

 

Let’s fast forward again to March 2024:

It was not a happy new year

I have been surviving on crowdfunding

My health is in the worst place it has been in my life

I had my hearing in August 2023 for social security disability income and I am not in a place to work

I have been attending school since January 2024 for Medical Billing and Coding

I have been trying my best to get ready for my Master’s in Health Policy

Everything feels hallow without mom

The stress has been intense

The pain of staying the same has been intense

I can’t afford to move

I can’t afford to stay

No boat

No Epcot

I just continue to need your support to survive

Maybe one day I could thrive, but that feels awhile off


Fast Forward Again March 2025

I miss Mom more than any words can say

 I miss my apartment more than any words can say

 This apartment used to be exactly the way it was when mom was alive

 The apartment used to be exactly the way I needed to process my grief

 This homeless stranger took away my safe space by transforming it too much

 Throwing out too much

Disrespecting too much

 I find myself being punished everyday for the mistake of wanting to help a disabled woman

 I wake up angry every morning now

 It doesn’t help that I now have to drive an extra 30 miles to my mental health providers

 I am simply having a sustained mental breakdown

 I gave up on Social Security Disability Insurance

 I was denied

 I delayed restarting 

Starting in this administration

 I think I am going to wave the white flag

 I am in grad school

 I applied for an internship

 10 hours a week 

$30,000 stipend paid out monthly

I applied for a part time job with the Gaylord

We have a new Gaylord going up in Chula Vista near me

 I am going to a hiring event on Saturday

I just need to focus on what is good

What is hopeful

 What I can do to stand up for myself against the homeless person in my home

 She has been there over 30 days so she has rights and needs to be formally evicted

I feel like I made a strong case for evict

I just need to make sure that I did this right with an eviction clinic visit

 I really appreciate the law library for helping me find the right forms

 Please think good thoughts for me

 Donate

 Share

 Please

Fundraiser Updates (5)

June 20, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

I thought I was going to close my grad student crisis

 

Nope, I am still a graduate student in crisis

 

Biostatistics is going well

 

I have a B so far

 

I have a new program to hate called Stata and I found out that ChatGPT can help me hate this program less within academic integrity

 

 I still haven’t gotten my funds

 

 I am stressing out

 

 My car registration is due

 

 My car Insurance is due

 

 I need smog for my car registration

 

 I need gas in Southern California.



Nope, still a crisis 

 

The ~$3,400 is from the other campaign that I thought I was choosing but it is not…

June 19, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

This is an update that I have been torn to make

I honestly thought of just walking away from this campaign

Mom has passed

Maybe the time for me to use this campaign's name and image of mom away

But how do you put away grief that continues to rack my life

Grief that is never going to bring mom back

Grief that makes me struggle to move forward

Grief that makes suicide seem like a better decision

Grief that makes my goals had to reach

Grief that makes me remember that I must be alive to achieve my dreams

Grief that makes me realize that mom wouldn't want to see me in heaven so soon

Grief that makes me more depressed

Grief that makes me feel oppressed by life

Grief that makes life a struggle

Grief that makes doing nothing so much easier than doing all the something I have to do to manage my mental health

Grief that makes doing nothing so much easier than doing all the something I have to do to manage my physical health

Grief that makes mental and physical health be all that matters in my life

Grief that I haven't been approved for SSDI or SSI to not have to fight against fight to survive

Grief that my dad, a Veteran, has disowned his disabled daughter making me have no rights to his benefits. I get that he doesn't want a disabled daughter, but he has one and won't see me as his

Grief that my dad is not supportive in the time when I need  him most in the passing of my mom. We both loved her, we both could have grieved her and I could have learned how dad grieved her while she was alive. 

Grief that I am free but not truly free

Grief that I still feel enslaved in the midst of Juneteenth which feels like a misnomer of its own

I am in crisis 

My car insurance is due 6/23

My car registration is due tomorrow 

My registration requires smog

My car needs gas

I need my car to work desperately to remain independent to drive to and from my appointments on my own

I have been raped in medical transportation from LA to UC Irvine

I cannot trust medical transportation as a rape survivor

I am a survivor not a victim now

My car is always going to need gas

My car is always going to need oil changes

My car is always going to need that 200K mileage check that was 20K miles in the past 

I cannot afford those special things

My car has electrical problems that I cannot have diagnosed because I can't be without my car for too long and can't afford a rental 

All of this to say 

I want this campaign to reach its goal

Not because I want to for selfish reasons 

I want this campaign to reach its goal

Because that is what mom would have wanted 

My updates will be gratitude and what I need next to let you know that the funds are going to my needs 

I am just so thankful for each of you

This Juneteenth 

Please consider donating for the first time or donating again

Please consider sharing for the first time with your network or sharing again

Please consider doing both

I need you to be there for me 

Remind me of the community that I have 

Remind me of your good wishes

Remind of your why to donate

I want us to remember mom

Together

And what she would have wanted

I also have a Patreon and if you wanted to subscribe there for a monthly donation

Search for Syreeta Nolan Patreon

I appreciate each of you

April 04, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

I now know that I didn’t understand completely what it meant to be a student in a Master’s program financially. I think part of the reason I applied was because of mom and her wish for my education not to stop because of her. I felt like the acceptances from two universities was God shining down that she was there with me. My mom, Christine Evelyn Dorothy Nolan, died February 1, 2023.

 

I enter graduate school at Brown University. I have no experience with graduate student funding and how it works. The Fall term was great with working and attending graduate school. The Spring term because of the long break that led up to the new year has been a dumpster fire, including losing my job, that was not connected to graduate school. You know it felt like Brown was one protected space from the impact of disasters. My professors have been amazing. 

However, I have been struggling with financial aid with having to use a Google form to request my financial aid to disperse funds and not knowing when to expect funds. When I was informally crowdfunding for rent and gas, a friend gave me the idea to ask about emergency funding and basic need resources. I decided to find out about this while addressing my struggles. I scheduled a call with financial aid to be better prepared for the Summer and to see if I could get some type of funding in the meantime.

 

I simply thought the call would give me resources and what date in May to expect financial aid since Fall and Spring financial aid dispersed the beginning of the term, I expected the same. What happened:

 

I found out that I could reach out to Graduate Student Financial Aid to file for a Cost of Attendance Appeal. They also told me about the emergency gap fund for Master’s and Professional Students.

 

I found out that my financial aid funds will not disperse until after the 1st of July. I forgot to ask about the Google form because I was too shaken to actually form any words after that. This puts me into a situation where I need the months of my living expenses covered as after July 1st means that I likely won’t have funding in time to cover July’s expenses. I also need funding for 2023 tax preparation urgently because my summer financial aid is based on it. 

 

I am extending my job search from paid internships to anything hiring urgently for part time employees. I am also opened a new SpotFund account to crowdfund that doesn’t just update the crowdfund that I had with my mom. It is time for me to move on from the #PancreaticCancer crisis crowdfunding to the graduate school crisis crowdfunding. 🫤 Therefore, this will be last update here

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you have nothing to give, you have already given emotional support. I know that times are hard for all of us in different ways and in different areas of our lives. Please do you what you feel led to do to support my future and the future of those that I will help in the course of my health policy career.

 

http://spot.fund/6wzjkszcs

March 24, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

I am tired

I am ever so tired

Like my soul is tired

Tired of asking for help

505/850

Do I deserve to have my goal met?

I am lost

Will I ever be found in a world where mom is gone?

I get to be my full self…

But does that make life worth living?

 

V: Syreeta-Nolan

PP: nolansyreeta

March 19, 2025
Syreeta Nolan
Syreeta Nolan

Not living at my apartment (it isn’t my home until the toxic homeless woman is out of it) and staying with my friend is taking 90 extra miles a week to get to my mental and physical health appointments.


I desperately need help because of my mistake in helping a homeless mother and her cold that reminded me of the dynamic that I had between my mom.

 

I need to raise my goal to $850 by the 25th. All I want for my birthday on the 26th is peace of mind and it feels like I am asking for too much.

Organizer

Syreeta Nolan

Syreeta Nolan is the organizer of this fundraiser

$21,871of $25,000 goal
185Donors
88Comments
60Share ArrowShares
Syreeta Nolan
Ola Ojewumi
Genna Cohen
Wendy Depinto
Lisette Torres-Gerald
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