Hi everyone!
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Last year, this is where this cancer journey started with Mom:
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I need your help. I was raised in a single parent family and since finishing my undergraduate courses, my mom and I are back living together for the first time in years to help each other through this transitional point in each of our lives. Mom was diagnosed with a form of cancer. After her surgery last month, we found out that she needs to have a second surgery that will involve a longer period of time off. We lost my sister last year in July, so my mom is my closest living family member. I want to see her get to a place where her cancer is in remission, but that means getting her scheduled for the surgery. She is nervous about taking time off since she is the only one working, this is my way to help her get the care she needs.
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This year has been filled with many of the highest highs as a disability advocate in the midst of recovering from intense medical and emotional trauma. I wish that my Fibromyalgia wasnât a mind reader, but it is. When I deal with stress and trauma, Fibromyalgia creates pain levels that are much higher than my normal pain levels around 4-5 out of 10 on the pain level. My ADHD reached diagnostic levels for the first time in February, likely because of everything I am dealing with lately. I need to get back to a stable level of paying attention to work on my thesis due in December.Â
Letâs fast forward to January 2023
It was never a happy new year. Coming back to update here has been one of the hardest things in my life. Mom didnât get any more chemotherapy in the new year, she entered hospice. She couldnât stand or get her herself up from a chair after I got back from DC in December. It took a very long time for her oncology to realize that it was not just a de conditioning issue where physical therapy could do something. I had to lift her from weight from any sitting position and hold her up until she was stable enough to use the walker to get to the bathroom. She stopped eating and after the discharge in December inserting her feeding tube, we were given no supplies to use at home when she was unable to eat. Things just spiraled down hill. Januaryâs before hospice was decided on, her cancer caused a large blood clot in her liver that was inoperable. She was suffering. She went in between moments of clarity and long silences. She entered a nursing home for hospice and she couldnât utter a word to me for the last two weeks of her life. She was my best friend. My hero. She passed away on February 1st.
Momâs celebration of life is coming up in a few days. If you can attend virtually or in person, I would love to have you there. I will be emailing past donors the Zoom link for March 23rd at 10am PST. Anyone else who wishes to come virtually can reach out to me for the link.Â
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I updated the campaign goal to $15,000 because it was momâs social security that paid for our apartment rent. Just before she passed, I received notice that the rent would go up from $1,399 to $1,545 as well that the rent that included utilities is now excluding them. The water, trash, and electric will be charged on the basis of a Ratio Utility Billing System (RUBS). It started on March 1st and I get my first RUBS bill from the landlord April 1st. Honestly, I am terrified. I just started contracting with the federal government as well starting another contracting position with the University of Montana soon. I did a keynote presentation and the organization is unsure of if they can get my honoraria to me by April 1st when my rent is due. So much is up in the air and I need your help to get through this.Â
I hope that you will find it in your heart to support my little family. If you donât have the means to financially support this campaign, please share this campaign with others.Â
Fast forward again to September 2023:
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I almost killed myself
Losing mom has shaken the foundation of my will to live in ways that are deeper than they have ever been in the past
 When I was in psych units before, she was always visiting and advocating with me
As Britney Spears said âmy loneliness was killing me.â
I havenât been able to completely take care of myself
 It has been a living nightmare that made a dying dream seem simpler with all my close family that had passed away.
I am planning a boat charter on February 24, 2024 for 11 close friends/family (I have to count myself for the 12 total.) I need help paying for flowers, the $500 charter fee and catered BBQ. June and July 2024, I want to go to Epcot with my son to celebrate his 18th birthday/ high school graduation and it would be great to have your help.Â
Please help me to pay for these events to live for and my Neptune Society final arrangements advance ($2K), so it is in place when I naturally pass away at some point. I donât want to be a final burden in my passing one day.Â
I love you all and it is so good to be home from the psych unit.Â
I appreciate each of you so much!
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Letâs fast forward again to March 2024:
It was not a happy new year
I have been surviving on crowdfunding
My health is in the worst place it has been in my life
I had my hearing in August 2023 for social security disability income and I am not in a place to work
I have been attending school since January 2024 for Medical Billing and Coding
I have been trying my best to get ready for my Masterâs in Health Policy
Everything feels hallow without mom
The stress has been intense
The pain of staying the same has been intense
I canât afford to move
I canât afford to stay
No boat
No Epcot
I just continue to need your support to survive
Maybe one day I could thrive, but that feels awhile off
Fast Forward Again March 2025
I miss Mom more than any words can say
 I miss my apartment more than any words can say
 This apartment used to be exactly the way it was when mom was alive
 The apartment used to be exactly the way I needed to process my grief
 This homeless stranger took away my safe space by transforming it too much
 Throwing out too much
Disrespecting too much
 I find myself being punished everyday for the mistake of wanting to help a disabled woman
 I wake up angry every morning now
 It doesnât help that I now have to drive an extra 30 miles to my mental health providers
 I am simply having a sustained mental breakdown
 I gave up on Social Security Disability Insurance
 I was denied
 I delayed restartingÂ
Starting in this administration
 I think I am going to wave the white flag
 I am in grad school
 I applied for an internship
 10 hours a weekÂ
$30,000 stipend paid out monthly
I applied for a part time job with the Gaylord
We have a new Gaylord going up in Chula Vista near me
 I am going to a hiring event on Saturday
I just need to focus on what is good
What is hopeful
 What I can do to stand up for myself against the homeless person in my home
 She has been there over 30 days so she has rights and needs to be formally evicted
I feel like I made a strong case for evict
I just need to make sure that I did this right with an eviction clinic visit
 I really appreciate the law library for helping me find the right forms
 Please think good thoughts for me
 Donate
 Share
 Please



