I am writing this plea from the most vulnerable place - knowing that doing so may put some of you off and reveal me for the imposter I most certainly feel like I am. But we need help and I can think of no other way but to ask for the charity and assistance of my friends and loved ones. Social media is where we share the highlight reels of our lives - and even though I have shared some of our struggles - I don’t know that I have shared the true depth of the impact it’s made in our lives. I am willing to have you think less of me because I am desperate to help my husband.
Many of you know our story. Gary and I met in 2010 when I was a single mom - and he offered his heart and home to me and my children. He gave me a place to heal and be safe and my children a stable home from which to launch into the world as adults. And he loves us all deeply. I’ve asked him if we were just another couple or a great love story - and he is sure it’s the latter. I agree. He’s an imperfect man who is perfect for me.
In 2017 - Gary lost not only his job - but his lifelong career of project managing and purchasing for Hilton during a restructuring. We cannot prove the ageism we suspect has made it impossible for him to resume that career - but I’ve never seen anyone try so hard only to be knocked down over and over. With a small business I could not have built without his support (mostly my sign shop) we managed our finances - but it has been a struggle. I built that business from a hobby to the point of six figure sales in the first year after I quit my admin job - and I was so proud of it - but we also lost his six figure income. Trying to keep up meant working seven days a week, holidays, evenings, weekends - and it was grinding us down.
Then we got to the holiday season of 2018. The week before Thanksgiving - we were setting up for a craft show which had the potential to provide some good income for us - but he started to complain that it was like trying to see under murky water in his eye – that had had cataract removal and a retinal detachment several years prior. I tried to get him to the doctor right then but he stubbornly refused to go until Monday. What followed was over a year of an unrelenting cycle of retinal detachments and surgeries - towards the end of the cycle with little hope of restoring his vision in that eye - but when we asked about calling uncle and leaving it alone, refusing any further surgeries, we were told the eye itself would deteriorate. At the same time his eyesight was diminishing - so was the ability to use screens for extended periods of time and the likelihood of reading blueprints and schematics required to resume his career in the hospitality industry. The repeated surgeries depleted almost all of our savings, Gary’s retirement, etc. as the initial surgeries were had without health insurance - and a little at a time with the drip drip drip of $100 copays to see the specialist over and over as well as doctors visits to be cleared for each surgery.
We tried to keep our heads up - I kept my nose to the grindstone and continued to try and grow my business. The stress of it all depleted my creativity. We kept thinking the ship would right itself. We started dreaming in 2017 of going full time RVing but never really saw it manifesting into our reality. It was an escape from the pressures of our lives to talk and dream about this together.
During some slower periods for the business - Gary took a couple retail jobs. He worked one season at Lowe’s - and would come home barely able to walk from hip, ankle, and leg pain. His leg with lymphedema was starting to swell again - but instead of being able to spend the $1000 for medical grade garments he needed - we had been making do with compression stockings we purchased on Amazon. The more he was on his feet in a concrete floored warehouse environment, the worse it got. Then after our busy season - Lowe’s didn’t have a position for him to return to - so he took a similar position at Home Depot for less pay. Being the big guy in the room - he we always asked to assist with lifting and loading. He was still in a tremendous amount of pain on the warehouse floor - and he pulled a massive inguinal hernia - that required surgery in the midst of the pandemic. Between the coronavirus, healing from the hernia, and his physical pain - we decided going back to work in any warehouse environment was not going to be feasible for him. Later that summer - we started to see the shift in the housing market and directed our efforts towards getting out from under the debt of our house and finding some time to travel a little, with less debt. The house sold quickly in the favorable market and all the planets aligned to put us in an RV - but believe me when I say it was by the skin of our teeth. We just kept putting one foot in front of the other.
Selling our house also meant closing our wood sign shop and shuttering the main product line of my small business - this was a huge shift in our only income. Not to be dramatic – but I didn’t see how we could survive individually or as a couple for another year the way we were going. We went to Florida to establish our residency - and ended up getting stuck there for six months because we couldn’t afford to leave. In the meantime - we began the process of applying for disability for Gary. His initial application was denied and is now in month 6 of what we were told was a 6 month process of appealing that decision with an attorney – but we aren’t holding our collective breath.
When we finally left Florida - the only destination on the radar was to see the kids. On our way out of Florida - we had a total loss accident when we were hit by a reckless, uninsured driver in the southwestern corner of Georgia. Many of you have followed that story - so I won’t belabor the issue here but suffice to say we had to replace our RV/ home in a very difficult market with skyrocketing prices. What a blessing in disguise this has proven to be because we were able to find a unit comparable in quality and age that was an even better fit for us - giving me an office where I have worked far more efficiently since. But the toll the stress of the accident took on us was huge financially, mentally, and emotionally. We spent our savings again to make the travel from GA to MI to pick up the replacement and had to fight our own insurance company every step of the way - unable to recover a couple thousand dollars in the transaction. But once we moved from one RV to the other and got moving again - we felt like things were starting to look up. Then less than a week out of Georgia and just barely into the Carolinas in early September - while walking the dogs together early one morning, Gary collapsed of a heart attack. Three hospitals and four ambulance rides (we got the $996 bill for one of those the other day) and two procedures to get four stents in place. He needs follow up care and cardiac rehab we have not been able to afford short of a few telehealth visits to discuss his meds because even with insurance it has not been affordable for us. His medication has been the priority for our finances. Thankfully – we were assured his heart attack was mild, leaving no permanent damage to his heart.
August and September are the months when online sellers are positioning themselves for the fourth quarter sales that can be as much as the rest of the year combined - but through the accident and heart attack - I was not able to invest as I should for this season. My income has slowly been increasing but as always with sales there are peaks and valleys. We are so grateful to have been offered a place to stay on a friend’s farm for the time being. I do not know what we would do otherwise.
This is the part if you’ve read this far where I am begging for help. As uncomfortable as it is to even ask or to admit we have reached the end of our own resources and don’t know where to turn - I’ve skipped right past that and gone to pleading for help for this man I love so much. In addition to everything else - he's started having excruciating tooth pain. We went to a dentist this summer in Florida and he couldn’t have his teeth cleaned for several reasons - primarily because he has M U L T I P L E broken teeth. We were quoted an estimate of $5,000-6,000 to get the work done - so we decided to put this on the list to have done on a medical tourism trip across the border in Algodones, MX – if we ever make it to Arizona for affordable prescriptions, margaritas and dental work. But he’s not going to make it. The pain in his mouth reached a fevered pitch the other day - and we literally don’t have the money to walk into our former dentist’s office for a simple extraction. I am sure it's going to be anything but simple. He has at least two teeth that are in horrifying condition – black and painful. He is dealing with the pain by using Tylenol, gargling with peroxide, and Orajel. He also wears a brave face so as not to worry me. I am avoiding Google right now – but I know that your oral health is directly related to the health of your heart. We have dental insurance – but it turns out that though it’s nationwide there are almost none who take it. It's Guardian DHMO. We have called throughout the area to find dental offices who might at least do a consult – but it’s a minimum of $200 for an exam and x-rays – and it makes no sense to spend our limited resources for that appointment if the treatment will remain unaffordable. All of the dentists we have called in MD, VA, and WV, including dental schools require payment in full at the time of service.
All I want for Christmas is for my husband to be healthy and not in pain. I want my fun-loving partner back. We have both been changed by the stress of it all and now are facing a tsunami of medical bills. If you’ve read this far – I’m assuming you care about us on some level. I’m sorry to have written a novella, but I would not even consider asking for help without allowing you an authentic look at our circumstances. It’s painfully difficult. Even as I’m writing this – I’m not sure I’ll ever have the courage to open ourselves up publicly in such an intimate way. I just do not know what to do at this point. I am a resourceful person, tenacious, decidedly optimistic most of the time. I’m out of ideas and running out of hope.
We will use any funds received here to get dental treatment - the situation that is the most critical. Then the remainder of the funds would be used for covering all the overdue, coming due, and past due medical expenses, maybe get his lymphedema garments - if there are funds to be had once all of that is paid. The help we are asking for is not for travel or to support or provide any of our ongoing needs or living expenses. We are open to any questions you may have about our situation.
With warmest regards,
Julie and Gary
