- Somebody, You, Me …. It just takes ONE. One smile, one prayer, one dollar….. to make a Difference -
Hi… I’m terrified. Cancer as it turns out might be the scariest word I’ve ever heard. Facing death and life both in the same moment is the most bizarre, terrifying, and purpose filled moment one can experience. The doctors diagnosed me in March with advanced stage breast cancer and in that same sentence told me I wouldn’t live past summer. I’m a mommy to three and that is a hell no parent or person should ever experience. After enduring a double mastectomy and lymph node removal surgery, treatment began. I just finished radiation and they tell me I am on the back end of treatment. They also say that the impossible happened and that I have a chance to fight and to live and it is not in the late stage they had thought. Thank you Jesus, thank you!
I felt enormous shame and embarrassment in this diagnosis for some reason. In some ways I can’t understand that and in other ways I can. Cancer is heartbreaking. I broke. Like I really really broke. For weeks I couldn’t hold myself together and for months I felt hopeless. But God came and He showed up every single day. He would send me His hug via ONE miracle a day. Sometimes it would be a surprise hello from a friend, or a text that I still haven’t replied to, but it came. Right when the sky looked dark- even thru a strangers smile I would hear a whisper that the King of the universe loves me and sees me. In my deep ocean of tears, I thought the brokenness was permanent. When lymphedema made it so I couldn’t raise my arms to heaven or hug my kids goodnight I would hear lies of defeat haunting me making me feel alone and wondered if I mattered. It was ugly. But then day by day… God would give me just ONE!
I began to wake up looking for just one miracle that day, one person I could make smile or laugh, one extra mile I could go to bless someone. I put aside all fear and pride and decided maybe I too can be that ONE. I can make a difference I think… or at least I can try. I made a donation page for myself. I’ve made many of these for people and never thought I would ever make one for myself. But here I am. I had no idea how expensive cancer was. I had zero belief that I would ever have a 2 inch pile of hospital bills that felt impossible to ever be able to repay. I also have seen the darkest nights and when I fell to my knees… money to pay my bills was not what I felt desperate for. I begged friends to pray for me more and more and they were relentless in bringing me to heavens gate. Prayers that God would do a miracle in me. He is turning my weakness into strength. I could be that one too, be brave and share my stories in hopes it could bring healing and hope to someone else.
If you could pray for me that would be a huge blessing to me. If God leads you to donate a dollar, just one… to remind me that bravery matters and that I matter it would truly be a blessing. I have another surgery scheduled for Friday 10/11 to have my ovaries removed to stop the estrogen from feeding the cancer. Starting as soon as the next day I begin 3 more different types of treatment. I am exhausted and also I desperately need to be brave and bold enough to hold onto hope and healing. A unexpected kindness, a meaningful conversation at checkout, a distraction from the disease, a dollar in the tip jar…. I can be that for someone and so can you. Thank you for showing me that this can be done, you made me want to be better too. Thank you sweet friends🤍
