It’s weird to even sit down and write this, but I think that the time has finally come that everything needs to be written down, both for everyone to know what’s been going on, but also, for me to collect all of my thoughts, and to explain why I started this in the first place. A little about me, in case no one knows— I run a small coffee shop in San Antonio, Tx, and my mom, Jan (75) lives by herself in a little apartment in McAllen, Tx. (I’ve tried to get her to move, okay, she’s just a liiiiiiiiittle stubborn, lol)
Ughhhhhhhhh, okay, here’s goes nothing...
My mom has cancer. Ew, I hate even saying that out loud, cause I feel like that makes it real, even though you and I both know that cancer is a very real thing. She got diagnosed September 14h, by a gyno-oncologist in the Rio Grande Valley. I’m gunna tell you what’s happened both before and after her diagnosis.. bear with me, it’s a long story.
Friday, August 19th, mom called me at 2:30ish in the morning saying that she needed to call EMS, because she was bleeding—much like a period. Bleeding, cramps, cold sweats, hot flashes, the whole shebang.. just like a menstrual cycle. She was admitted to DHR in McAllen, where the Dr. did blood work, CT scan, ultrasound and a pelvic exam. They said hey found little to no bleeding, but the CT scan showed a small lesion on her uterus. Of course Pep (my husband) and I rushed home to the valley, but because they didn’t see any adhesions or very much bleeding, they gave her morphine for pain, and sent her home. Pep and I went to go see her the next day, Saturday, and hung out without her, but needed to come back to San Antonio in order to beat the tropical storm that was headed to the valley.
Since that day, and she’ll hate me for saying this, but.. she hasn’t really been herself. Something has been off about her, and I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I didn’t want to push her because if you know Jan, she is FIESTY. LOL.
Monday, the 22nd of August, she set up an appointment with her Primary Care Physician, and needed to wait to hear about a GYNO appointment. Finally got that scheduled for September 2nd. During her GYNO appointment, they did a pelvic exam, did a biopsy on the little lesion, and and finally prescribed meds for the pain. The Dr. told her that if things got worse, or she was dizzy or didn’t feel right, to call the EMS again, and go back to the ER so that he could evaluate her, but if everything was okay, he would see her back on Wednesday the 14th, for a follow up and results from the biopsy. The next 2 weeks were rough— bleeding, pretty heavy clotting, extreme cramps, nausea, she felt pretty lethargic, etc.
Sept. 14th comes around, and she called me when she got back to her car after the appointment— it was cancer. My worst nightmare, so I can only imagine how she felt. I think was more scared than she was, because everyone that knows her, knows how strong she is. I wish I had half the strength she does. I needed to see her, so a friend of mine drove me to the valley so I could put eyes on her, feel her, hug her, love on her. I needed to see her with my own 2 eyes cause she said she was fine, but again— she’s stronger than I am. I spent the 17th & 18th with her, and came back to San Antonio.
Then, Sept. 28th, mom was rushed back to the ER due to extreme pain and excessive bleeding. She spent 4 hours in the ER triage room, before being moved to a hospital room, where they found that the pain was being caused by a UTI, (didn’t know what caused it) but they were able to finally start her on antibiotics. While in the hospital, Pep and I stayed with her from open to close visiting hours, they started her on a bunch of different medications, and we started to formulate a plan— one that would move her to San Antonio for good. Once the infection was cleared, and the pain subsided from cramps, she was able to be discharged on Sunday, Oct. 2nd. We took her home, got her situated and then came back to SA after spending 5 days away from our home, our pups, our jobs, etc. Lucky for us, both Pep’s boss and my boss have been understanding about the entire situation.
Well, fast forward to Sunday evening, the 15th of October— mom’s neighbor, Nicole calls me and tells me that she’s taken a pretty bad fall in her kitchen. She banged up her hand, knee, butt-cheek and back pretty bad, so she called 911 and they took her in, to check her over and make sure nothing was broken. I told Pep that I didn’t care what it took, we needed to go get her, and move her up here, no questions asked—I need her here with me. Her neighbors across her duplex are fantastic to her, but its just this gnawing inside of me that needs her close. After losing most of my siblings, er well, family, I guess is a better way of putting it— cause grandma, dad, uncle, brothers and sister in law—I mean, almost everyone, my mom is all I have left. And yes, I know that friends can be family too, and I am blessed beyond measure with my in laws—but my mom is my blood. She’s the best part of me, so I need her here. ANYWAYS— back to the interesting part— she gets to the ER, they check her out, make sure she’s not messed up other than bruising, and the ER doctor at the time, at Edinburg Regional calls her oncologist, to see what can be done, to let him know that she was in the ER again with pretty heavy clotting and bleeding, and that she had taken a fall. HER ONCOLOGIST SAYS TO DISMISS HER— to discharge her, send her home and have her make an appointment at his office. UM.. WHO DOES THAT? So the ER doctor came back and told my mom “thats not the route I feel is the safest, can we transfer you somewhere else.. Harlingen, Houston, San Antonio?” and she asked them to bring her here to me. So the ambulance brought her up Monday evening, she gets into a room at Methodist Main hospital in San Antonio, and I rush to see her. They have her as NPO, which means she can’t eat anything in case they have to do an emergency surgery, which sucks, cause I knew she hadn't eaten since Sunday evening-- BUT YOU GUYS— By Tuesday evening, less than 24 hours in the hospital up here, her doctor’s had scheduled 3 CT Scans, 1 Echocardiogram, and 2 MRIs!!! SO MUCH MORE THAN DHR (the hospital in the valley) has done!!
That brings me to today. Today we got news that her Oncologist in the valley has misdiagnosed her. He didn’t do a proper examination and order an MRI for her— he just told her that it was a non-invasive type of cancer (didn’t even give her the name or stage) and prescribed pills used when treating endometriosis. The doctor here told her that the MRI of her pelvis and reproductive organs were pretty messy, and that they found a mass behind her ovary. They also found an enlarged lymph node meaning the cancer has spread. I tried to be really, really still during that conversation, because any sudden movement and I would’ve lost it. How is this even happening? The oncologist here had a plan of action written out, starting with a D & C tomorrow, to get a proper biopsy done, and then see what kind of cancer we’re looking at, and at which stage its at, and what our next steps look like moving forward.
If I’m being brutally honest, I always thought that Jim (my brother that passed 6 years ago) would be here to do this part of life with me… the part where mom gets older, but it would be okay because we had each-other, ya know? I don’t know how to do this without him. And I honestly thought we had more time. Her doctor in the valley told us that she would be good until April, so I didn’t rush. Then when she wasn’t getting better, and getting noticeably worse, Jan and I talked about moving her up here, and we talked about maybe around Christmas time? Pep and I have already made a plan to move our bedroom into our living room so that she can have our bedroom since the bathroom is attached to it. We are going to have to bring Maggie (her dog) up here with us. Her car isn’t drivable, so we need to get that worked on so that we can bring it up here. It needs new tires, new A/C and probably everything serviced and tuned up to get ready for such a drive. Jan has always been a collector, LOL, so moving all of her stuff up here is going to take 39 trips, probably. (Love you mom, lol) and thats what this all has been started for. SOOOO MANY PEOPLE have been offering to help with gas money, maintenance for our car as we have to drive back and forth to the valley all the time, people have offered money for food and snacks, and just have been more kind that anyone of us knows how to handle. We’ve had people offer to take care of Jan, buy dog food for Mags, buy Jan groceries, buy us groceries, and even help us move her stuff up here once we get her out of the hospital… so thats what this is for. All of this will go to help with all of the moving expenses, gas money, food and necessities for mom, equipment we need to buy her so that she will be comfortable in our home— a bed, medical equipment, a wheelchair & walker. It will also be used to help with paying for a storage unit until we can get all of her stuff up here. Pep’s PTO at his job has been used up since we keep having to go home, so it will help with any time off that needs to be taken in the future once we start the moving process. It will be used to help us pay our bills when we have to miss work. It will be used to look for a new place once our lease is up, so that we can get a place easier for Jan to live in. (We are currently on the 4th floor of our apartment building, which isn’t ideal.) There are just so many things. SOOOO many things that need to be done so that this transition will be easier, and if you know me, I like to lay it all out there. I don’t want to lie, or sneak around things, or anything of that sort, I just want to lay it all out for everyone, and hope that God provides exactly what we need, you know?
Thank you for taking the time to read this..I know I’m long winded—I get it from my dad, lol, but I called my aunt and my cousin to tell them what transpired today, and my cousin said “man, AJ, you’re so strong.” and all I could think about was how I get that from my mom. Here’s to helping Jan paint San Antonio purple, to tacos on Tuesday, to a new chapter of healing. Love you guys - Allyson
