From the time I was a kid I wanted to be a farmer, just like my dad. I can remember sitting on the armrest of the tractor hoping he would let me drive. And then when I was a little older getting the opportunity to learn how to drive the tractor and actually help him. He was my hero. Our farm was never big enough for two families to make a living, so my dad made me a promise. If I would get an education and a career, when he was ready to slow down he would help me find a way home to farm.
That happened 9 years ago. He said that I could start a business on the farm and start to farm and in exchange for helping him I could use his equipment. So we sold our home put down money for loan to build a business. In the beginning the business was great 3 years in a row we kept growing and growing. To the point we had to hire extra delivery drivers. We had 1 brief lull when we lost a son, I was trying to deal with the stress. Then Covid hit. Between disruption of supply lines and delayed sales during our businesses busiest time caused a financial emergency. All of our notes were coming due and either could not get supply or prices were so high that people went other places. Then came the big losses of my five biggest customers. 2 died, 1 divorced, and one lost his land. Of the two that died one was my dad.
My dad was my hero, my friend, and my business partner. And he was gone, I was lost. My family’s heritage was on the line, our business was the equivalent of a trailer park after a tornado. I helped my mom without pay for a year while working trying to recover a business. The year was a disaster I listened to the advice of my grandfather who was so far removed from farming that he cost us $200,000 in income. And two days after harvest the world finally fell in on me. If it were not of the grace and presence of God, I would have taken my life that day. I sat with a loaded 45 in my lap while I wept, lost. Not knowing what to do.
I reached out for help after talking to a doctor friend of mine. I went on medicine that made me feel literally nothing. After about 5 months I took myself off of medication and forced myself to heal. The next year my mom made me a small partner to help her and reimburse me for my labor. Still trying to heal my business I had to make some adjustments. No more 20 hour days. I had to find joy and peace and understand all I can do is what I can do. I did notice that year crops struggle because I am still trying to divide my time. My mom approached me in the fall and asked me if I would like to take over the farm. After conversation and prayer we decided that we should move that direction. So we draw up the paperwork sign and my wife and I were so excited.
The bank used this as an opportunity to wash their hands of us and 3 days before our planting season call all of our operating notes. My mom sold land to pay off her side. I had to sell equipment to pay off mine. At that moment I told my wife and mom that we will have faith or not, we will farm or not. So we have farmed on our own for three years in the worst farm economy since the 1980’s. We have such an amazing crop of soybeans and I can’t get funding because of the covid debt. If I can’t find some miracle, or assistance, grace of God a 7 generation family is going to die. The banks would rather read about me in the newspaper than try. Other farmers want me to fail so they can grow their farm.
I am at the end of my road. My heart is heavy, my hope is weak, and the faith that I have had is gone. I need a miracle. Please help if you can. This is my story and my cross to bear, I appreciate if you can help in any way.
