*BeGratefulSluggerStrong

Humbled today after sharing tribute to a dear friend who recently lost his heroic battle to cancer.  I am left feeling the weight of his loss, but hopeful and inspired as my brother Mat continues to fight on.  We spoke today about his loss of appetite and general sense of exhaustion. However, I am always impressed by his optimism and unwavering quest to kick cancer's ass.  It only felt appropriate to sport my #sluggerstrong shirt today.  Thanks to all for continued love and support for Mat.  Much love to each and every one of you. <3

Mat so appreciates the continued support, inspiration and kindness from all who are following his journey. He spent Tuesday at Roswell for chemo treatment #3 of the expected 8, and so far he remains in good spirits despite his loss of appetite and rough week after treatment the week before. Much love & gratitude.

#sluggerstrong

Please keep Mat in your thoughts today.  It's his birthday and he has been feeling crumby for the past few days.  I am a firm believer that your good energy and well wishes keep him strong.  Thanks all! <3

I had the honor of traveling home after a decade to join friends & family in support of my brother's cancer journey.  The days and weeks leading up to the trip were filled with every emotion one could feel, anticipation of reconnecting after far too long, fear of how Mat might look after losing so much weight or feel after being pumped with ongoing chemo cocktails; feelings of sadness around our mother's pain, handicaps and health issues while she too is enduring the weight of discovering Mat's illness, awe & gratitude for all of you who have shown up... I mean REALLY SHOWN UP & overwhelm as to how to even begin to show appreciation for the efforts made on behalf of my brother and our family.

As I drove from the Buffalo airport to Catt County, I was filled with nostalgia.  The beauty in the changing of the leaves, the vastness and gravity of nature's canvas, and in those moments, just hours before seeing all who were able to attend the Be Grateful event at Balloons, my heart felt full.  I allowed myself to breathe in the fresh fall air and to exhale all of the fears.  Peace washed over me, because in that moment reconnecting with the earth, I was reminded that nature might be our best teacher... nature endures.  Time after time, we see evidence of how for instance, a forest that had been burned to the ground in a wildfire will slowly regenerate and new life will form.  I thought of my brother as one of those deeply rooted trees... looking to the sky, bathing in sunlight with his roots grounded far into this earth, this lifetime, this existence and I was reminded of resiliency and strength.  

Those who know our family intimately know that we have endured much.  When we were kids, our was house burned to the ground; we lost everything and were lucky to have survive the calculated attempt on our lives.  Our mother, the warrior she is, picked up the pieces and put us back together as a family.  Years later, Mat was almost killed on the side of the road in Eville.  In an unwarranted & violent attack, a carload of lunatics sized him up, stalked & taunted him while he was alone and vulnerable.  These cowards pulled over, beat him and slit his throat leaving him for dead.  He miraculousy picked himself off of the blood saturated ground & made it to the Whole Hog Cafe to call for help.  The gash to his throat was merely inches from the carotid artery... this brush with death was sobering then and chokes me up revisiting today.  My brother had a will to live and despite many odds, healed.  I remember driving around Salamance, Eville and surrounding areas in a rage... little sis was ready to kill whoever tried to hurt my brother.  Of course, I was completely helpless, but in my mind, the only way I knew how to cope was to find justice.  I don't know that true justice was ever found, but my big brother survived.  My brother was a miracle. 

These were just a few challenges our family faced through the years, these stories are not meant to incite pity, on the contrary, they are meant to share a message with all of you.  They are meant to weave together the bonds of community in the sense that we all endure unfathomable challenges in lifetime.  You all have suffered your own losses and each situation holds weight.  Many of you have endured or are still battling your own health or cancer journeys.  Many have sick, aging or struggling family members.  We have seen so much loss, so much sadness, and so much joy as a "family" throughout the whole region.  We have all carried the weight, the pain & the victories together near and far.  Walking into the event at Balloons with Mat, seeing all of your beautiful, welcoming faces, and receiving all of your love reminded me of these undeniable bonds. Each and every one of you are part of a shared story.  Your roots intertwine with ours and together we are stronger and more resilient than ever.  

The main topic Mat and I discussed while I was home was the guilt we felt over not getting to truly connect with everyone at the event. Not in a social sense, but in true connection to say, "thank you".  The flood of support was overwhelming and the ability to share gratitude, or even conversation in that short period of time left us stifled.  I believe over 350 people showed up... and when I say "showed up" I don't mean just happened to be there, I mean, STEPPED UP in a way that was beyond the scope of my feeble words.  The generosity of Mike and Melanie was staggering to say the least, the way Johnny, Joe, Chad and so many others (that I will never be able to list), put their lives on hold and made it their sole mission to rally around ticket sales, love and kindness was beyond words, the number of people from all over the state who came (knowing they might not even get to talk to us), was mind blowing, & the number of people who donated thoughtfully crafted gift baskets, artwork, beautiful food and monetary donations from afar were astounding.

Because of you, my big brother had the energy to trancend through Eville yesterday with his pup Finnegan.  This was the first time in months that Mat felt the ability to walk his dog. When I dropped him off at Roswell for Chemo on Tuesday morning, we had to say our final "goodbyes".  Neither of us would know how the next few days, weeks or months would play out, but my brother assured me that he was going to keep moving forward & was going to kick cancer in the balls.  Imagine my delight when I heard that by Wednesday, he was inspired and feeling well enough to put Finnegan in truck, and walk the town.  When I spoke with him today, something became abundantly clear to me... your energy & support made this possible.  Maya Angelo once said, "...people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel".  YOU all made my brother feel strong, loved, honored, supported and respected in a way that I believe will send him soaring through his treatment with the same strength, humor and sarcasm you have all grown accustomed to in his presence.  I believe that your  love, tragedies, victories, & your accomplishments strengthen his.  I trust that those common threads weave together a beautiful tapestry that will wave in his honor through recovery.  For this, I will forever share gratitude from our family to yours.  I flew home last night knowing that I am leaving him in the best hands & hearts.  

I speak for Mat, my mother and the rest of our family when I say, we are incredibly sorry if you saw us and we couldn't get to you, or only squeaked out a hug or a "hello" when all we wanted was to shower you with the same love & appreciation you have shown us.  We love you all very much and will never forget the generosity in heart and spirit you all shared with us. Moving into the future we hope we can do the same for all of you in times of need.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Much love, respect and gratitude.