*ASpiritualWalk

Throughout my life I have struggled with ADD and addiction. I recently lost my girlfriend of 10 years. However, I found my heart and soul. I am not a victim of addiction. I was not the best person while living with my sons and their mother. After I helped her move out into her new residence, it wasn't long and she started seeing another man. I concentrated on my children although my heart ached. Before this I would waste my time on my phone or other mindless activities. I wasn't a good partner or father. I had some really dark thoughts. I was going to extremes. I asked my psychiatrist for meds for my ADD. he wouldn't give me a stimulant based because he said it would have negative reactions with my schizophrenia. What he gave me didn't work. I took matters into my own hands. I started to use meth. A stimulant with pernicious affects. I use it in the morning like any medicine. Then I eat breakfast and take my vitamins. I became the best version of myself ever. I was an attentive and good father; I began reading and retaining information. I began doing my passions again. Painting, drawing, writing. I didn't waste my life watching TV or playing video games and was learning all kinds of new and exciting things. My faith in God had also returned. I enjoyed this for some time until recently. I worked for a good man doing commercial construction. I told him everything one morning. He asked me to go get help. I can't work with illegal drugs in my system. After some difficulty I had scheduled something out of town. On my way there I had a mental break down. I threw my phone out of my vehicle window. I was afraid I'd have to go back to the person I was before I started using. Uncaring, unaware, poor memory. I drove aimlessly for some time. For one reason or another I ended up driving fast on a road that was supposed to be closed. There was an unfinished bridge with a gap. I was going too fast, to slow down would mean the vehicle would fall into the hole. My vehicle made it across, the two front tires completely gone and the rims in bad shape. I had no phone, and no one was stopping for me. I started walking. After a myriad of miles, I ended up in Louisville KY. I was confused and lost and contemplating my life. I came across a man laying in the street as if wanting to be run over. I asked him if I could have his stuff on the side of the road trying to get an idea of what he was thinking. He said no. I helped him up and we began looking for a place called white flag area. It was cold. The white flag area was a place those without homes could go to be safe. I got to experience first-hand what these people endure. After sitting and waiting in a room with others for some time they fed us. There weren't enough beds for everyone. Me and my newfound companion were lucky enough they put mats in the dining area and that is where we slept for the night. The next day after they fed us breakfast, we wandered outside and came across the salvation army, they fed us and gave us some clothing. later we came across a group of people that were affiliated with no one, just the community. They gave us an extensive kit to ward off bad weather, and my favorite, a blanket. Ill call it my security blanket. My mental health at the time was questionable. Luckily I had made a friend that was now showing me what it takes to survive on the street with nothing but your wits and the kindness of others to aid you. After spending a week in Louisville I realized what matters in life. Love. It was around then I realized I had money. I had my wallet! I got my friend and I food and a hotel room. One of the nights in the hotel room I wrote for hours in a small sketch pad with a pen, both gifted by a stranger. I wrote poems, lyrics, ideas, profound words, and drew pictures. I realized who I am.  I left the sketchpad in Louisville. I feel like that is fitting beings Louisville inspired it. I gave my blanket and a scarf that was given to me to the hotel manager. They were in the process of aiding those in need and I was grateful to have the opportunity to offer something. Even though I had an emotional attachment to that blanket. It seemed the Universe always had my back. I met some people at the bus station. A lady who told me Jesus loved me. A guy in a wheelchair with a hat that read me vs me who had many insights. A man from Miami who was freezing and only wanted good things for everyone. He said he carried a machete not a gun. Interesting. The bus ride home there were only 3 of us. A student from IU. A girl going back to Chicago. And me. I am at home now. Had to break in with a Kroger card. I have not gotten a phone, am unable to contact anyone to let them know I am alive. I've never been more alive. I do need some assistance and I no longer am afraid or too proud. I need help getting my vehicle back and repaired. I need to find suitable medication so I can get away from this poison that is sustaining me. I need time to heal and join an addiction class. I love to share my art with the world. I refuse to waste this transient life. Thank you for your time. It is precious. Funds raised will allow me to share my experience and art. Give me time to heal. Repair the tools in my life that will help me on this journey. Thank you again. People are good.