HelpRaeHeal

11/5 update, still looking to raise $446:

Good morning supporters, family & friends:

I'm hanging in there! Currently waiting on culture results (sample submitted yesterday) for this continuing infection & pain from the tumor site. My surgeon has a plan. 

I made my way out of overdraft by borrowing from a friend (who's now been repaid 💕) until payday. I'm still hoping to raise an additional $446 as my medical expenses continue (over $3,000 currently due with some in collections, plus addtl costs for recent labwork and office visits upcoming). This will help me breathe easy - which has been harder, btw, anesthesia shot my lung capacity!!! - when it comes to financials while I work and strive to heal. 

I've been very grateful for everyone who has listened & helped me thus far. I'm not done fighting this; I can't sit back & rest just yet. Please help me heal by reaching out, sharing, and/or contributing how you can. ❤️

10/21 update:

Hi all, 

I've been working, seeking medical care, and trying to stay on top of my regular expenses. This has me at $-336 in overdraft. That's mostly the result of me panicking and paying big bills way too early because I'm terrified I won't have the money later. 

Anything helps right now. I'm being charged an extra $30 every day, it's already $90 in overdraft fees. I'm so scared. I don't get paid until  the 30th.

I pick up my fourth round of antibiotics today, and I have my post-op Friday.

I really need support. 

10/11 update:

I am still dealing with what feels like a kidney or bladder infection. My urinalysis as of Oct. 10 is totally clear. My next step, if this current course of antibiotics does not resolve it, is to get a referral to a nephrologist. I have an appointment with my surgeon in two weeks to get some advice. 

I am still incurring medical costs daily. I am doing much better! Life feels mostly good again. But I am not done getting better, and would appreciate any support & sharing this up to reach my $11,000 goal. Things will still be tight for a bit as I continue to pursue health while I can stay ahead of it. 

My employment/compensation situation will not change until at least next year (don't worry Delta, I'm not leaving) so I do not anticipate random money flying my way. 

I can't donate plasma for a long while after surgery. I do not have time/energy for a second job. I would love and appreciate financial support from my loved ones right now, and from any strangers who hear my pain. 💞

I am graciously tumor-free, but my repro/pelvic health is tenuous at best, and terrifying at worst. 

Thank you for staying tuned all this time! 

10/1 update:

Happy October! My birthday is coming up on [redacted], and I am slowly, slowly getting better. It's a team effort & y'all have pulled me through, like a rickety but well-built sled in the slush. 

The good: 

• Today, I was granted $668 by my coworkers/employer to help with medical bills through the D*lta Care Fund.
• My FMLA was approved & processed properly.
• It appears my 5-6 days of WA State Paid Leave will process properly.
• I adjusted the goal to reflect the $700 + $832 from the Fund, & I have also noted an offline/anonymous donation of $1,000 because my loved ones have contributed in non-monetary ways (time, asssistance, food, conversation) totaling more than a dollar amount can explain; however, I wanted to acknowledge it somehow.

The could-be-better:

• My paystub SHOULD arrive tomorrow, but I have had way too many issues with my pay coming on time due to elements outside of my control this year. Not saying it's my employer's fault, but it's not NOT their fault. 
• The UTIs are one after another right now. I am doing what I can to circumvent this; it's not my first time with the condition, but the presentation is very unique. I will have to keep an eye on my kidney (and heart...) health for life, now, in addition to my lung & reproductive/mammary health. I also am on high alert for possible memory issues, as all of the recent whiplash in medications and pain levels have thrown me off big time.

Anyway, keep trucking. I know I am not the only one with problems & I am happy to commiserate or conversate where I can.

9/25 update:

Through hard work & lots of support, I have been feeling a tiny bit better every day!!!

Through this storytelling experience, I have connected with so many of you in ways I'd never thought I could. Thank you for believing me.

Through my pain, I lost all fear of pain. I'm not really scared of being hurt anymore. I'm only scared of me, and people like me, being unheard, and thrust to the margins, and convinced they must be silent about it.

And last but not least, I'm having a great week at work. Text or call me or email me (if you have my contact info - if you don't, I'm sorry to hear that!) if you wanna know more. 

You are all awesome and have so much to offer yourselves and each other. 

My only request right now: ask a friend when's the last time they went to the gynecologist/obstetrician. Then ask them why or why not. Then hear them out. 

Update, 9/20:

Today marks a month since my first visit to the ER. It's been a wild month.

I had my first post-op appointment yesterday and it went well, all things considered. My doctor told me he had fun doing the surgery and did everything he could and took extra time to do so. I gave him a big hug. We named a new stuffed animal together. Y'all let me know if you wanna see pics of my insides, he got great angles of everything.

The cyst was NOT an endometrioma, but a cystadenoma. A tumor, benign, but monstrous nonetheless. 

My prognosis is amazing. This should not recur. My healing is slow, but steady, and I will be back at work on Monday doing what I love. 

Thank you all greatly for joining me in this healing journey. It's not over, but it's getting to the good part.

Update 9/17, 5 days post-op:

Recovery has been very slow and challenging compared to my previous two ovarian surgeries. My post-op is Friday. I have been taking it easy and accepting help from loved ones. I miss work and being able to leave my house without being short of breath. I am cooking and enjoying art to pass the time and pain.

I raised my goal to $6,000 again; because despite donating plasma multiple times and doing this paid study (they haven't paid me yet) I'm still running into all sorts of issues and overdrafts. I really appreciate anything else you all can spare, my financial anxiety is still so vast. I have been pinching pennies as best I can considering the circumstances.

Please feel free to reach out to me. I appreciate y'all more than you understand. I have a post-op on Friday and I will have more information to share.

Update 9/12, 1400 pdt:

Surgery went well. My ovary was saved. At home and resting. Thank you!

Update 9/9:

Four more days until surgery. Hanging in there. It is not easy.

Update 9/5:

Hi all! I don't have much energy to storytell this time; all of my effort has been put into just getting through the days. Each of you has made that infinitely easier for me, though. Thank you.

But here's the short version: I'm 7 days out from surgery, I've paid off most of the things I promised myself (and you all) I would, and I can confidently say I've been doing everything I can to keep both pain and anxiety low & manageable. I've stayed INCREDIBLY busy and active, because sitting continues to be more painful than moving. Sleep is a luxury I can only afford snippets of. I truly miss going to work at my full capacity. :( 

Here's some things I've been able to do with your help:

• Pay my car down until Feb. 13th, 2026
• Get new all-season tires & an alignment
• Pay off my bicycle loan in full 🚲😍
• Pay my September rent, phone bill, & transit fare
• Update my car insurance to WA state
• Purchase temporary plates for my car (expires Nov. 3 at which point I'll likely get a custom National Parks plate!)
• Buy all the groceries, meds, & pain management tools I need before (and hopefully for after) surgery as well

I'm back to donating plasma, which helps me financially, but I won't be able to do this after next week for a few months after surgery. I'm also participating in a paid research study the day before surgery next week so that will have me up another $100 if all goes well.

All this said: as I have been able to self-fund some of the requested money, I have reduced my goal an additional $500 to $5,500. I think, if I can achieve this goal, I will come out of this entirely strong & endlessly appreciative of y'alls generosity.

Even if I don't make it there - thank you.

Please share.

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Update 8/30:

Due to a generous hardship grant contribution by my coworkers, I have decreased my funding goal (from $7k) to $6,000.

I am doing well! I am able to WFH in short bursts, enjoy hobbies, and keep busy cooking and spending time with animals and on the phone with friends.

My infection seems to be slowly clearing; now that I have finished the antibiotics the pain is much less. It shoots into my pelvic area, lower back, and abdomen. It's still the worst in the mornings and the evenings. Midday naps are great for me right now. 

This cyst is a monster. It takes up space in my gut that should be for food and water. It has precluded my sex life indefinitely. It was growing in me for well over a year or possibly two, according to my doctor. When I specifically made the choice to not let anything grow in me without my consent, this insidious monster took hold of my body anyway. I am so grateful I got the bilateral salpingectomy or I never would have known, and this would have been so much worse.

Choice saves lives and it might have helped save mine.

Thank you all again, and please continue to share my words if not my spotfund, because no one deserves to end up on a situation like this. Use your voice, too. Tell your story.

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Update 8/26:

First of all, I would like to say thank you to everyone who has contributed and shared my story, but even moreso to those who have reached out or expressed care to me in words or actions. I probably would "survive" without the money, but I would not without the care.

I was seen by my amazing gynecological surgeon yesterday. We agreed we are grateful I did not go into emergency surgery, but his team also expressed deep empathy for the lack of compassion I received during my second visit to the ER on 8/22. I will never forget the dismissive, annoyed look on the attending physician's face when he said "you are not going to die 🙄" (aren't we all, bozo?) and tried to touch me without my consent as "comfort."

The good news: 

My surgery is officially scheduled for 7:30am on September 12. Insurance has approved it. I have an appointment on Thursday (8/28) this week to discuss if I need another course of antibiotics and how to manage the terrible pain in the meantime. I went back to work (from home) today. My coworkers are incredible. I have a house full of caring people and a growing community here in Washington, including my girlfriend and several sweet friends I have made very recently. 

The bad news: 

That's 17 days from now. I have no idea how I will be feeling in 17 days. I guarantee this is the earliest slot they could get me, the scheduler worked really hard, so I do not intend to seek another physician - again, I have limited trust.

Also, I am probably going to lose my left ovary. The papers I signed say "left ovarian cystectomy with likely oophorectomy." I am okay with this possible consequence, but a little sad, as maybe if I had caught this cyst sooner, it could have had a better chance. Also, because endometriosis does not have a cure, it's likely my right ovary will be attacked again in my lifetime. I already had a dermoid cyst removed from my right ovary in 2018. I do not want to lose both my ovaries any time soon. Please send your best wishes to Left Ovary (it's like left shark, but with more blood!) that it pulls through.

With all of this in mind, I am upping my fundraising goal to a hopefully final goal of $7,000. This will help ensure that any lost extra hours in the next couple weeks due to pain are covered, and that I can not worry too much about short paychecks and/or meals, and that I can afford medications. I have exhausted my HSA, met my deductible, and before all this happened, I was regularly borrowing a few dollars at a time from friends just to eat lunch.

Thank you again for reading or contributing. I hope this is the last major update I have to make, and that everything goes smoothly with my pain management and my operation on Sept. 12, as well as my (up to 6 week) recovery. I am already devastated that I will miss multiple work events, planned friend visits, and riding my bicycle for the foreseeable future.

Whether it's toward me or not, the kindest thing you can do is check on the ones you love and offer them what comfort you can within your means and their willingness.

Below are two non-fiction poems or abridged transcripts documenting the conversation I had with the ER doctor who refused to admit me on 8/21. I hope, if nothing else, that you can sense my pain and fear and know that this emergency itself was unjust.

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(Original post) Hi friends, family, community, & anyone else who cares —

My name is Rae (or Rachel) and I have encountered a medical emergency that has knocked me off my hard-working feet during an otherwise very beautiful time in my life. I love my job, my living situation, my friends, and my hobbies. I have achieved a balance that a teenage me could only dream of. What more could I want?

Well, this year I vowed to take better care of my health. A major first step to this involved electing for a bilateral salpingectomy (April 29th, a date I will never forget 🎉🎉🎉) so that I do not ever have to worry about unwanted pregnancy and to decrease my risk of ovarian cancer by over 50%. I am 30 years old and very firm that my 10-year plan does not include pregnancy or childbirth. The surgery and recovery went without many hitches; I now trust my surgeon with my life, something I have rarely been able to say about any one doctor, much less an OB/GYN.

However, during the procedure, he located a grapefruit-sized (8.5cm+) endometrioma on one of my ovaries that required additional follow-up. Due to him not having my explicit consent to remove it, and the risk of my left ovary being damaged/needing to be removed as well, it was not addressed during the initial procedure. We talked about it during my multiple follow-ups, and though he recommended surgery once I was healed, I told him I would revisit when I had the time and money. The cyst was asymptomatic and did not affect my (very lovely) life. I had begun to plan ahead for surgery around November/December/January.

However, about a month ago, I started to "notice" the cyst more regularly. It did not hurt, but it shifted when I laid down and often felt awkward or unsettling. Honestly, thought it was kinda cool. Until it became a living reminder of the speculative fiction horror story we live in; until I became acutely aware of the centuries-spanning impacts of settler colonialism and the ways we fail black bodies.

A week ago, I began to have trouble sleeping due to discomfort.

Three nights ago, I checked myself into the ER after my pain rocketed to an 8.5 out of 10 within a few hours.

I am grateful to the kind Galileo teledoc who convinced me to go into the the hospital due to the risk of ovarian torsion, the incredible ER doctors, nurses, ultrasound tech, and assistants who cared for me, and my own OB/GYN who was woken up in the middle of the night by the ER doctor to provide his (very valued) opinion on next steps for me. I am also grateful to my mom, all my friends who listened, my coworkers, and the hummingbirds in my backyard.

On Aug. 20, the medical team found two things:

1. My endometrioma or "chocolate cyst" has grown at least a centimeter since April. It now measures at least 9.3cm at largest.

2. I have a significant UTI (I did not experience ANY of the regular symptoms like burning with urination or frequent need to urinate), likely caused by the cyst's proximity to my kidney(s). This needs to heal or at least lessen before a surgery is safe. 

I was given IV antibiotics and Toradol for pain, and sent home with prescriptions for both. I went to work and felt great and uplifted for most of the day because I was on my feet and with my community, and managing pain with a rechargable, vibrating heat pack.

Unfortunately, the pain worsened to a 9.0/10 in the afternoon when I tried to lay down and rest, and so did my anxiety. I can manage pain while walking around or when very distracted, but I cannot sit down or sleep without falling into absolute agony.

I returned to the hospital when I felt nauseous and feverish on the suggestion of my ER resident friend, only to be told by a very different physician with very different priorities that they "have a lot of other patients" and that my fever was not high enough to admit me, and that because I am not that concerned about preserving my fertility, he was not concerned about me. I was prescribed narcotics (I hate narcotics) and an anxiety medication (I am pretty dang good at managing anxiety when I am not in crisis, for the record). I would not have trusted that ER doc with any of my care, nor was I interested in receiving surgery from any stranger, even a specialist.

In talking to my aunt, my biological family (paternal side) has a history of ovarian/uterine issues. She has also been through much of the medical trauma that I was subjected to yesterday and, honestly, many times since I was under the age of 10.  My biological father died at the age of 47 of under-treated COPD and depression leading to medical neglect, before I ever had the chance to meet him. The medical system failed him and my family. I will not let it fail me. Will you help?

I make $25 an hour with very little opportunity for overtime. I work a hybrid (office/WFH/travel) role that suits me well because I can vary my work routine and take care of my people and my needs. I have a team who knows my work style and trusts me to "take care of business" — even when the business is myself.

So, the good news:

• I have met my deductible for the year & shouldn't have to pay much, if anything, toward additional procedures.
• I am using my EAP in various ways and they have been helpful and provided resources and ideas.
• My workplace understands and will be forgiving.

But, the bad news: 

• I am already in (mostly non-medical) debt and I am very limited as to what paid personal time off I can get from my (admittedly excellent) employer without going through very tedious and burdensome medical leave processes. 
• Endometriosis, which is diagnosed by the presence of an endometrioma, is incurable. This disease will flare again in my lifetime. It already happened once when I was about 17 (I am 30 now), and no one in the world believed my pain except my mom and my sister.

And, earlier this year:

• My e-bike, which is my primary method of transportation to work (& my very favorite anti-depressant besides being around non-human large mammals) was stolen by a stranger who broke into our yard AND into our garage and walked off with it on the early morning of July 6th. I dropped the ball on persistently pursuing the police investigation because I am terrified of cops due to personal experiences with discrimination, mental health stigma, and undue arrest. I got a new, wonderful bike with financing assistance from my friend, but I am in debt approximately $1,200. 
• I started this current role full-time in January where I am really thriving and growing as a person and in my career, but it limits me financially & has been a difficult adjustment for work-life balance. I cannot safely pick up overtime hours working around aircraft nor can I safely stare at Excel spreadsheets for more than 8 hours a day. The growth opportunity is totally worth it, but this means I have given up a conservative estimate of 12 hours a month for the past 8 months (upwards of $3,500). 
• When I do need to drive, which isn't often due to the amazing public transit system here in Western WA, I am driving on bald, dry-rotted tires with a possibly-faulty car battery. I have worked on this but it is totally on the backburner, since I have a job to work and rent to pay. I have spent a lot of money on repairs and bus tickets. Approx. cost to fix all this, renew my tags which are 4 years expired from three states ago, renew/correct my just-expired car insurance which is issued in the wrong state, and pay off my beloved 2018 Ford Escape, Nora: $7,000.

It would mean the world to me to do this while not quite so alone.

Black people, especially intersex, queer, black women like me, die from this. We have historically, we do today, and we will tomorrow if things don't change in our society and the medical community.

Thank you for reading. I do not require anything of anyone. I just hope to care for myself & will accept what others can contribute to that cause.