On the evening of January 30th, Michael and I went to the ER because I was suffering from severe lower abdominal pain. Within a few hours, I was having unexpected emergency surgery. I was admitted to ICU and woke up with a 7 inch incision down my stomach and 12 inches of “dead” colon removed. I underwent a second surgery two days later giving time to allow the inflammation to calm and to confirm the rest of my intestines and colon were not unhealthy before the wound was stapled closed.
While I wish this past visit to the ER could have been as easy as walking into the hospital and walking out with a prescription, it was nothing of the sort. It was a shocking, upsetting event that Michael and I are still processing. I see now how my good spirit and optimistic mind hold great healing power, but they do not protect from the raw, scary and painful reality of health and all the opposition it encompasses.
A quick two-year review for those who aren’t aware of my mysterious illnesses - I was admitted to a hospital in January 2023 and again in September 2023. Within two years, I have had a number of diagnoses that include a JAK2 gene mutation, chronic portal and mesenteric vein thrombosis, blood clots, splenomegaly, severe distention and internal bleeding. This comes with a number of complications that have taken time to manage and learn from. The doctors call me an anomaly, an enigma, as they have no idea why a “healthy 40-something woman” would have all these medical issues. While it is validating to hear those words, it has also been disheartening, frustrating and difficult to not have an answer.
Through endless procedures and doctors appointments, Michael and I have made it work the past two years, taking time off our jobs and taking time away from our livelihood. This is no obligation I would ever wish upon anyone. It has been a struggle and a consistent challenge to learn how to navigate. Healing is not linear.
I have been fortunate to be resourced enough during my last two hospital stays, however; it is not the same case this time. My current job does not offer benefits, sick leave or paid time off. I am blessed to be covered by state Medicaid but this only covers so much. My strength, love for life, and Michael’s endless support have guided me through this journey, but it is now time we have to confidently and vulnerably ask for outside financial help. I will need to take at least a month off work without pay to allow my body to process and heal from the surgeries. Being home alone is not an option, as I cannot fully care for myself; along with the help of family, Michael will also have to take time off work throughout the next few weeks to care for me and make sure my simplest of basic needs are met.
After being admitted to the hospital over two years ago, life has changed with much to think about, much to arrange, rearrange, make peace with and surrender to. This practice is my life, and the most beautiful thing about it is how forgiving it has been and how it gives me the opportunity, over and over, to be present, compassionate, and to cultivate love for my body. If you can’t give financially, your words of support in getting to a healthy, stable place would also be insurmountable along this seemingly never-ending voyage.
With Love,
Kristan Green
