Hey everyone, Melissa here. I haven’t posted in a while but I’m still around. Hanging in there, as they say.
But the bagger at the grocery store almost made me cry today. I was checking out, making small talk with the cashier and bagger, the usual.
How’s your day going? Fine. Find everything ok? Yes, thanks. Need help out with these? No, I got it.
Ok. Take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself. I nearly ran out of the store in tears.
Oh random bag person, if you only knew how hard I’m trying to do that. And how hard that seems to be sometimes. I’m tired - all the time. I’m emotional - thanks to hormones/menopause. I’m stressed - work and stuff. Maybe a little depressed. But I’m trying.
I go to a great church. Attend small group. Serve on the worship team. Check in with friends. Laugh. Try to move more and eat better. Pray. Listen to good music.
And still, I struggle. The last few weeks we have been challenged at church to fast. Before that we were focusing on prayer. Making time to pray, holding space in our hearts and minds for Scripture, tuning out the noise of the world to listen. Fasting helps remove some of the distractions so we can better do those things. I thought about giving up coffee, but who are we kidding? I chose to give up media - no playing games on my phone, no radio, no TV, no scrolling social media/FB. I haven’t been perfect at it, but it’s been easier than I thought it would be, amazingly. Quiet in the car, quiet at home, no distractions at work. (not that I’m on my phone at work, right?)
Time to think, time to pray, time to listen. And time to sit with all the feels. The worry, the sadness, the anger, the resentment. The guilt for feeling those things. The feelings of failure and overwhelm and inadequacy. The love and encouragement from friends and family. The humility and gratitude for mercy and grace and generosity.
Our pastor told a story last Sunday about a farmer who was living in a time of severe drought. He had a well that he went to each day and lowered the bucket into. As the drought wore on, the bucket brought up less and less water, until it was pretty much dry. Yet the farmer kept going to the well each day, lowering the bucket. Friends and neighbors asked him why he kept checking the well every day, when he knew it was most likely empty. “I’ve tasted good water from this well before, and I believe it will be filled again. So I’ll keep lowering the bucket.”
This is where my soul is. I’m lowering the bucket. Over and over. And it’s coming up dry a lot of the time. But I’ve tasted good water from it before, and I believe it will be filled again. So I keep lowering the bucket.
I think music is my love language, and I’ve been so blessed to be part of many amazing choirs and worship teams for much of my life. I’m part of a team now that absolutely fills me every time I get to be with them. And the songs lately have spoken so deeply to me.
One song called Dwell says “It’s worth the wait to see Your goodness”.
The Goodness of God says “All my life You have been faithful, all my life You have been so, so good.
Canvas and Clay says “You make all things work together for my future and for my good. You make all things work together for Your glory and for Your name.”
Give Me Jesus says “I don’t want anyone else, I don't need anything else, You are my one thing. You can have all this world, just give me Jesus.
Manasseh says “I can let it all go, He can take it from here”
You might as well listen to the whole song of Firm Foundation.
These words fill me and encourage me to keep going, to keep trying, to keep lowering the bucket. Keep seeking, keep knocking, keep asking. Meditate on the Word and stay close to God, communicating with Him in prayer, and listening for His still small voice.
Steven is still sick. He actually took a tumble today picking up a package at the front door. He’s a little banged up but seems ok. We still have medical debt and other bills and doctor appointments and prescriptions. Still need gas in the cars and food on the table. Still need a place to live and all the other things. And by the grace of God and the generosity of so many of you, we have been able to cover those expenses. You have filled our bucket, not just in meeting practical needs, but in prayer, in encouragement, in texts and calls and visits, in cards and in meals provided and in care and thoughtfulness shown a thousand different ways. Thank you is not and will never be enough.
Here are all our social media support links. Please continue to visit each page often for updates, share the links with others freely, and please leave comments. Your support is still very much needed and deeply appreciated. God bless you for your love and generosity.
Take care of yourself.
Melissa
