I know I’ve been missing in action for a long time I know that I haven’t been the best friend I could be to a lot of people dealing with everything this year and the last.
I’ve said it before but ever since mom died so suddenly I felt like I was on autopilot. I felt like I was a burden on everyone my whole life and there was a lot of things I never got to say or deal with because I’m the eldest and I’m supposed to be the strong one with the answers. Daddy got my youngest siblings and knowing they were happy and safe with a fresh start made my heart so happy and made me feel like it was possible to have a fresh start elsewhere too.
I was living in Jacksonville for a while but I was having difficulty making enough money to survive, pay rent and getting around. I loved the people I worked with but I could barely make 300$ working 6 days a week 10-11 hour shifts some days.
A lot of people don’t know but I never learned to drive, I moved out when I was 15 and started working and I didn’t have a way to learn except kind friends trying to teach me every now and again. I’ve been doing everything I can to learn and better myself and there are still people trying to help me with all of this.
But I’m having difficulties finding a job, consistently making sales in my shop, trying to find a driving school, trying to find therapy and apply for affordable healthcare because my insurance runs out this year and I suffered with a 10,000 deductible we could never meet, trying to buy groceries, trying to deal with my carpal tunel and nerve damage and a cyst on my tendon from a work injury years ago that’s effected my work today. I wake up with numb swollen hands everyday and have shooting pains up and down my arm and I was told I need to have surgery on my hand that would put me put me out of work and into physical therapy for months costing thousands and thousands of dollars. I haven't spent irrationally i have given when I could and sacrificed what I could. The love of my life is in England and I haven't been able to see him in over a year. I haven't seen my father or my siblings or most of my family because I've been so lost and doing my best to be happy while I struggle through it
I know it’s so selfish of me to ask but I wanted to ask if anyone could help with my bills for the next few months I’m just looking for 2,000 to help while I Uber and walk to job interviews and I would provide anyone who helps with anything I can offer you in return, drawings, clothing, calls, time, payment back when I get back on my feet.
I understand how much this is to ask for and I understand how selfish of me it is to ask it especially this time of the year, especially knowing I haven’t been the best friend or person I could be. I don’t want to be a burden anymore.
I’m in Huntsville now and I managed to pay for my rent for December and Daddy helped with moving costs and put himself last to help me but I’m just scared and stressed and exhausted emotionally and physically everyday that I’ll be a burden on others again, I feel I can’t ask for any more help but I’m at a place where I need it most. I’m coming to my 25th birthday in a few weeks and there’s so much left for me to do and accomplish in this life.
I’m sorry for not being more but I promise I haven’t given up and I will do better, I will be stronger and I will show that in everything I can.
Thank you so much for being in my life and understanding even if you can’t help, I love you and thank you for hearing me and being there.
Anna Lee
