to sum things up the best i can:
- after a car accident in 2016, a year or two later, i had received quite a bit of funds from my case. i decided to move out of my dad's place, and get my own. i payed off almost a whole year of rent, got a car, and a job. at the time i seemed to be doing well, but due to my spiraling mental health, in 2018 or 2019, i dont remember at this point, i became homeless. i couldn't pay for my own place anymore. i sold my car. sold most of my stuff besides my PC. re homed my cats, and ended up sleeping on couches. some in dangerous places.
- i eventually went to stay with a friend at his house, i didnt have my own room at first, about 8 people were staying there. and i often had to scrape together hundreds and sometimes past the 1,000 mark to pay bills, because of a lot of free loaders. the environment became toxic, as the fear of inspections not going well and always being late on bills and being kicked out was constant.
- eventually COVID started, i had a job at five guys before that but quit due to the constant pain and mental suffering. then right before covid, i worked at walmart for a short time, even had my own van that family helped me get. but the house i was in was growing more and more toxic. so eventually a friend of mine from Oklahoma asked me if i wanted to stay with them. they helped me and my dog move states.
- i hadnt been able to get my van titled in my name before i moved states from Missouri to Oklahoma due to covid cancelling my appointments. i eventually lost the title all together, and the guy who sold it to me moved and changed numbers. the van just kinda sat in the garage for 2 years, with me beibg unable to afford to track the title down, or fix it up. so needless to say, i was unable to find a job. i eventually sold it for like 400 bucks just to get rid of it to someone who could deal with all its issues.
- i had helped another friend from Oklahoma move in once they got back from vacation with nowhere else to go. things were fine for a while until the owner of the house got into a relationship. i asked if i could move in a couple friends to help me move out sooner. i dont really want to put anyone on blast, but lets just say things happened and money hasnt been saved much over 5 months. including myself as im surviving off of donations and twitch payments. some months were better and some months were not so good. i did raise about 2k during the summer. but i used a lot of it on food and things i needed for my pets. (i now have a cat, another dog, and a rabbit due to reasons i wont get into), the one thing i really regret doing was getting a new vtuber model. i had already had one but wanted an upgrade and used the excuse of it being for my career, thinking i could easily make the money back. but ive honestly been battling hardcore with my mental health and physical pain. as some people know i was very recently hospitalized for an attempt to take my life, which was only one of many hospitalizations.
- at this point, the couple that lives here is tired of all the people and pets being around, and circumstances that have made rent and bill payments fluctuate up and down. i've been trying really hard to survive. for years ive battled with the idea of getting disability. one anxiety is that i dont deserve it. another anxiety is how badly filling out paperwork and understanding questions makes me break down. i mean i barely graduated highschool from constant mental breakdowns. ive dropped out of college twice. and every interview ive gone to in the past 2-3 yrs has either not gone well, or i couldnt even mentally handle leaving the house and just showing up due to anxiety.
- i do have treatment and meds, but ive been neglecting them for years. im trying to focus on it and make myself go because i know how badly i need it. due to all the stress of being kicked out, i havent been in a month now. but im trying my best to take my meds. honestly i dont even have the energy for streaming. i can barely make art for people right now and take care of my pets.
- i really dont want to lose my pets. i'd appreciate any help to helping me find a place to live and put down a down payment. im going to seriously commit to getting SSI sorted out once and for all. ive been trying to find loans or a job with no luck. i know much not might come of this, but im seriously desperate. ive been through way more stuff than ive even mentioned in the years ive mentioned in this post, but i really desperately want to begin to get my health and my life together. any help means the world to me. and all i can really offer is art in return.
thank you for your time.
