Hey there beautiful beings. My name is Sophie, I'm 20 years old, 6 months pregnant with my miracle of a baby Amias , living in my 09 Kia Sorento named Miracle with my boyfriend Amon and our pet hamster 🐹 Delilah.
I'm from Delaware, Amon is from Kentucky. We currently stay in DE. Amon came here for me, and helped me escape a terrible living situation. below is my story, it's long, and painful. But if you do decide to read it in its entirety, I thank you for taking the time to get to know me and understand me, it's more than what the people in my life who were "supposed to" have done.
⚠️TW: ⚠️ mention & description of sexual/physical/emotional abuse; mention of neglect; mention of substance abuse; mention of self harm
My family was and still is very abusive and narcissistic. My mother specifically. I was subjected to years of emotional, medical, and physical neglect. As well as mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse from my former stepfather (will refer to him as J.D.)
The abuse lasted for years. It involved my mom becoming a raging alcoholic along with J.D, J.D harassing me when he was alone at home with me. His favorite things to do included but certainly weren't limited to, asking me about what "kinks" i liked, (i had no idea what kinks were, i was 13 the first time he asked), breaking into the bathroom while i was showering, breaking into my bedroom to watch me while i was sleeping, going through my things when i wasn't home, doing only my laundry and folding up only my underwear and bras and leaving them on my bed while the rest of my clothes were tossed around on the floor (this messed with me terribly), walking around the house completely naked around me, grabbing my thighs, smacking my butt, etc. I hated him, and I let it be known. But my entire family took it as "she's just mad and doesn't like him because he's with her mom". My mom knew what was happening, but chose to not take action, chose to not protect me, and told me if I told anyone that I would be taken away and never see her again. This went on for many years until she divorced J.D only after finding out about him cheating on her.
My mother forever chose herself, substances, and men over me. She's to a point now where she's forgiven herself, and has disowned me completely. Meanwhile I'm left with loads of trauma and questions that will be left unanswered. My family doesn't see the abuse I went through as the problem, but my reactions to the abuse seem to be the issue(s). I was in and out of mental hospitals for years, ended up struggling with substance abuse myself, struggled with self harm, tried to open up to my family about what happened to me just to be told to "let it go", "I don't know what to tell you Sophie", "You shouldn't be putting your mom's business out there like that" and "he's gone now so why are you still upset". I'm forever invalid to them, and I'm still learning to accept that but it's hard, and it hurts so bad.
I am now nearly 4 years sober from all substances, and 8 months clean from harming myself. I was very isolated at home, stuck around people that refused to listen to me, refused to take accountability for what happened to me, i was very angry, suffering from PTSD and Bipolar disorder, and continuously gaslit into thinking I had no reason to be so hurt and so upset and that I was making everything up. I was made to question if my feelings were valid every single day, every single time I felt anything negative. As far as my immediate family is concerned, I deserve everything I have coming to me and I'm a lost cause because I "can't let go of the past".
My biological father is no longer with us. I miss him everyday and get so stuck on thinking how different things could have been if he had stuck around. My mother did a great job at isolating me from having friends, being able to interact and speak openly to therapists and the rest of our family. I was alone for a very, very long time. I missed out on a childhood as well as adolescence entirely.
So I left. Leaving was hard for me, but I had to. I was not growing, I was losing myself more and more everyday and allowing her to mold me into what she demanded me to be.
I first met Amon in 2019. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for him. He too comes from a harder background. He left a very toxic environment in KY, and traveled to DE by himself. We allow each other to be entirely ourselves without judgement, without shame. Neither of us has had that before. We went into this knowing it would be hard, but certainly underestimated how hard it would really be. With that said, we wouldn't change our decisions. We've learned to love ourselves through loving each other.
So fast forward to today. We are expecting a baby boy. I have PCOS, I didn't even know getting pregnant was a possibility for me as I was previously told it was borderline impossible.. that I was as good as infertile.
Now, Ive heard it all already. "How irresponsible of you" "Abort the baby" "Adoption" "You did this to yourself". I've heard all of it I promise you. Trust and believe I considered it all, because I too thought... how dare I? How dare I bring a baby into a situation like this. But our situation is not at all as bad as it really could. Amias will be born to 2 loving parents, 2 working parents (i'm currently on paid medical leave due to my pregnancy being very high risk). Our finances are the ONLY thing in the way of blossoming fully for this baby. It's expensive to be houseless. But I have hope, and I want my son. I want my son to have everything I didn't, and to never feel what I or his father felt growing up.
I intend to for us to save up, and use this fund for an RV for us. We're travelers. We are not meant to be stagnant. I'm an artist, I'm an energy worker. Amon loves astronomy, music and creating graphics, and who knows what Amias will grow to love, I can't wait to see.
I'm not at all good with my words, I've left out a lot in this but this is my very first attempt at ever going public and asking for help. I am not good with asking for help in the slightest.
I express myself through art but haven't been able to do so. I've lost my spirit throughout these past few months from being so cooped up and stuck worrying about the basic life stressors.
So, should you choose to donate, it will go towards our little family. It will go towards a new beginning, and a chance at life that I believe we all deserve. It will go towards a space big enough to provide for our son, and for us to be able to be clean, properly fed, properly sleep, to feel human again.
If you've made it this far, Thank you. May you move with peace. This is our start at something new and something beautiful, and we thank you whole heartedly for being a part of it.
