For as long as I can remember, my smile has been the number one thing I get complimented on the most. I used to hate my smile growing up. I was bullied and never felt comfortable in my own skin. Even so, no one knew behind my killerwatt smile the struggles I wrestled with each day—and continue to.
A good chunk of my life was spent dealing with a life threatening eating disorder. Anorexia took over my life. I was no longer the Kelsi everyone knew. I was a shell of myself. Darkness took over. I attempted to end my life. I was a slave to the scale. I counted every single calorie. Engaging in unhealthy and dangerous disordered behaviors became my norm.
My life has been marred by chaos and trauma. From childhood sexual abuse, eating disorders, suicide attempts, and so much more. Sometimes I feel like God built me to only struggle in this life. How can one person go through so much? 2023 alone has decimated me in so many ways. From my mom and I getting COVID, dealing with health issues, and losing 4 people I love immensely back to back.
Even though I’m recovered from my eating disorder, I’d be lying if I said I’m okay. I’m not. There are days I truly think about ending my life. Moments I want to disappear because I don’t understand why bad things keep happening to me. Why my life has to be filled with such struggle and grief. But somehow, I keep going. Barely making it from one moment to the next. Trying to stay afloat and believe that things will get better soon.
Which brings me to why I’ve made this donation page.
Lately, I’ve been dealing with some dental issues. While I have Medicare, I don’t have dental insurance. My teeth have been killing me. I can’t eat without pain or blood. Even the softest of foods cause me discomfort. It instantly sends me down a tailspin. Thoughts of self harm and suicidal ideation abound. I get instantly discouraged about my life. Each time I think things will turn the corner, another shoe drops. I am so tired of struggling.
In 2021, I became a certified life coach. Something I had hoped to be able to do full speed this year. Then life happened. Things got pushed back. I became a caregiver and sifted through the grief of a loved one. This summer, losing 4 loved ones, it’s set me back so much.
I know I’m smart. I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I hate asking for help. I hate feeling like a burden. I’m a simple girl. I just want to live comfortable and help take care of my family. I want to be able to get to a point of not asking for help. It’s not a weakness, I know. Yet, I feel so weak for asking.
I need crowns. Yes, plural. I also need braces. We’re hoping it’ll also help correct my TMJ issues as well. I’m tired of eating in pain and dealing with swollen, bloody gums. I’m tired of not being able to eat anything without pain and tears. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of thinking suicide is my only answer when the literal pain becomes too much.
The total cost of the crowns + braces is $10,161.
Yikes, I know. That’s even with the discount.
Yes, you read that right. Even with the discount, it’s $10k.
I’m in pain. Anguish. Mentally and physically. I’m losing weight because of this. I’m just so tired of struggling.
If you’re able to donate, anything, I am so incredibly grateful to you. And if you can’t donate with your finances, please share this with others. Ask them to share or donate as well. Every little bit helps. I just want to be able to eat again without pain, blood, tears, or thoughts of ending my life.
For those who may wonder why I have the donation set a little higher, I have a cleaning coming up. I also have a buffer of any expenses that may come up regarding my teeth. I just want to be prepared. Everything you give me will go towards getting my teeth taken care of. Crowns, braces, cleaning, and anything else dental related that may come up.
Every little bit helps.
Thank you for taking the time to read my words.
