This picture was from the day I gathered every bit of courage I had and filed for divorce. It needed to happen for a long time, but I was stuck in survival mode. Trying to hold everything together for every one, my kids, the people I helped through my charity. Trying to hold together the image of a family. One day I just couldn't pretend everything was okay any more. I couldn't go through one more day, one more minute of financial exploitation, coercive control, being stalked in my own home and at work, emotional abuse. Being lied to and lied about. I used to tell myself I wasn't abused because it wasn't physical and then that happened too. I owe back and current taxes, I owe a huge utility bill that I can't get assistance with, I need a vehicle and I need a bed. I feel so stupid asking for help, because I am usually the helper. But I don't know what to do and don't have any one that can help me.
Update: Its Easter. He officially moved out yesterday, so I feel both free and scared. I got up today and was surveying the wreckage of my life and my home. I still can't believe that I, the advocate for every marginalized person did not see the abuse that was happening to me. Its not always obvious and it doesn't happen all at once. It sneaks up in little bits and you make adjustments so he's not unhappy when you go see your friends, or he's not mad when you make food he doesn't like, or he gets into the joint account and drains it dry while banking his own check and asking every one else for money. When he uses the joint account that contains only my paycheck to pay off his own debts but not mine. We didn't have money for that. When he accused me of cheating, because I got a yeast infection and BV. And then he threw something at my head, and I woke up twice to his hand around my throat when I asked him not to touch me. Up until then I didn't know. And the more I talk about it the more I see it. Financial abuse, emotional abuse, coercive abuse, physical abuse. All the red flags were there and I didn't see them. It took me years longer than it should have to want out. I put him on a pedestal and said he was good because I hoped he would be. Today is Easter, the hallmark of rebirth and new beginnings. I hope this month is good to me.
Update 04/19/2026
I bought a car! It took everything that you all donated and then some but I got a car! And made a payment to Ameren for a payment arrangement. Thank you so much for helping me. 💗
Update 5/7/2026
I received a bill for garbage collection services and in the tiny print noticed my taxes hadn't been paid in 2023, and were bought in 2024. I gave him the money for this. I can't believe it.
The taxes on the house weren't paid in 2023. They were bought in 2024. 
