*MyLastDaysOnEarth

Hi   I started smoking in 1967 when I was 9 yrs old. This was when I was just barly living with my aunt an uncle. I had already spent time in hospital after my parents dumped me in garbage bin behind that hospital.  An in 3 foster homes where I was so abused in EVERY aspect of the term. Molested  beaten thrown through a second story window. Finally my aunt talked my uncle to letting me come live with them.  But by then I was so emotionally scared I didn't care. After a year there my uncle turned me out to a group called THE NORTH AMERICAN MAN BOY LOVE ASSOCIATION  or NABLA. There I was prostituted to guys of 70 80 yrs old . Me an the other boys were to do them an do eachother for them to watch. Even the scout Troup I belonged to was part of NABLA an we all were abused an forced to walk around naked an let anyone who wanted to do what ever they wanted. Was in over 23. Kiddyporn 8mm movies. At 21 I was finally able to get away from it all an I joined the U.S Army. I become a military police officer.  I spent 33 yrs in service. In 2015 after I had been out of service for awhile an was looking for a relationship.  I went on a website called hornet. It stated up front no one under 18 allowed an if found would be turned over to Authorities. So I thought I was ok. I started talking to someone who said they were 18 an liked older men like me.i was flattered.  We talked an texted an sextexed for couple months.  Finally it came out he was 15. I told him goodbye. He warned me if I broke up with him he would get me in trouble. Thought it was just hot air. So in 2016i got raided by police an the focus was this guy I dumped. I got convinced for internet crimes against kids. Did 3 yrs probation  an 3 yrs in therapy so as not to do it again. Well because of the conviction the Army took away all my Benefits an retirement.  Reversed my discharge to general under dishonorable conditions.  So no retirement check no nothing for my 33 yrs. Now I live with a friend of mine in the middle of the west desert of utah off grid no car or truck for myself.  My friend is a truck driver so only here 3-4 days a month. He's one that spends money faster then water through your hands. I  have acquired COPD, Emphasima, Pulmonary hypertension an Cancer.  Dr has told me the way its going I only have 6months to year left. I just want my final days to be peaceful quiet an be able to go on a vacation that I have not had in over 40 yrs. Please help me please I beg you.